Trigger Warning: This piece discusses marital abuse
In today’s world, conversations around love, intimacy, bodily autonomy, consent, and female pleasure are becoming more open as society progresses. Many educated, working women now speak freely about their emotional and physical needs in relationships. Modern couples emphasize compatibility in dating and marriage.
Yet, despite these advancements, countless women remain trapped in silent suffering—bound by cultural norms, traditional marriage structures, and rigid gender roles. Many still find themselves in marriages devoid of emotional fulfillment and autonomy, often without even realizing that they deserve more.
For generations, women have been conditioned to believe that love is about duty and sacrifice, that their desires are secondary, and that intimacy is solely about fulfilling their husband’s needs. Their voices are silenced by societal taboos, uncommunicative partners, and the stigma surrounding female pleasure.
But does a woman’s desire in marriage truly matter?
Conditioning, Fear, and Suppressed Desire
As a doctor, I have encountered many women suffering from anxiety, sexual dysfunction, and adjustment disorders—not because of any physical condition, but due to deep-seated psychological distress within their marriages.
One such patient was X, a 24-year-old Muslim woman, married for three years and on the verge of divorce. She had difficulty engaging in sex, experiencing pain and discomfort—not from a medical issue, but from trauma. Her husband had been rough and aggressive on their wedding night, leaving her physically hurt and emotionally scarred.
She never experienced pleasure, and every attempt to communicate her needs—requesting foreplay or expressing discomfort—was dismissed. For her husband, sex was his right, not a shared experience. She had never learned about orgasms or bodily pleasure, nor had she ever been taught that intimacy should be mutual.
Religious and cultural conditioning had silenced her voice, just as it had shaped her husband’s mindset. In his eyes, love meant providing food and shelter, while sex was an entitlement—not an act of connection.
This is not just about male dominance—it is about a deeply ingrained system that fails to recognize women’s autonomy and assumes that marital consent is automatic.
The Burden of Duty in Marriage
This issue does not only affect young women—it follows them into old age.
One of my older patients, a 50-year-old Muslim woman, came to my clinic because her husband forced her to seek medical treatment, convinced that something was “wrong” with her. She broke down in tears as she shared her story. Married for decades, a mother to eight children, she had spent her entire life silently submitting to her husband’s desires. Not once had he asked if she wanted intimacy—it simply happened because he wanted it.
Now, he had started watching pornography and demanded she participate in things that made her deeply uncomfortable. When she refused, he slapped her and berated her. When she continued to refuse, he sent her to a doctor, convinced that her unwillingness must be a medical issue.
But the problem was never her.
The real issue was the absence of consent, autonomy, and emotional connection in her marriage. In many traditional Indian marriages, a wife’s consent is assumed, rather than respected. Women are expected to agree to everything their husband demands.
But consent is not automatic.
Not every woman is comfortable with everything. Her choices matter. Yet in many marriages, female desire does not exist—intimacy revolves solely around the husband’s needs. When emotional depth is missing, sex becomes mechanical, but many men refuse to acknowledge this reality.
For them, a woman’s pleasure, desires, and boundaries are irrelevant—not because they are cruel, but because they have never been taught otherwise. Traditional mindsets dictate that a woman’s duty is to serve her husband, while the concept of female autonomy and pleasure remains foreign.
Modern Marriage: Progress or the Same Story?
While modern relationships focus on compatibility, not all women are free from these struggles.
A 33-year-old working mother came to my clinic for anxiety. During therapy, she confided that she was deeply unhappy in her marriage. She had endured years of family conflicts with unsupportive in-laws and a husband who never stood up for her. She stayed for her five-year-old daughter, but felt unloved and emotionally abandoned. When I asked her what love meant to her, she responded: “Only my daughter loves me. I don’t even know what romantic love feels like anymore.”
She had one serious relationship before marriage, but he betrayed her. So, she chose an arranged marriage, believing it would provide stability. Her husband seemed kind at first, but with time, he put in no effort to nurture their bond.
Their intimacy suffered as well. She longed for deeper connection and desire, but when she expressed her needs, her husband shamed her, accusing her of having a promiscuous past—as if a woman’s sexual desire could only stem from past relationships.
His insecurity and refusal to communicate widened the emotional gap between them. Despite being physically together, she felt lonely in her marriage.
The Untouched Truth Behind Female Desire
The stories above are not isolated cases. They represent the silent suffering of countless women who find themselves in marriages lacking emotional intimacy and personal agency.
I have witnessed this pain firsthand—not just in my clinical practice, but in the quiet confessions of friends, family, and even strangers who are afraid to voice their needs.
This is not just about sex. It is about love, emotional connection, autonomy, and respect.
For too long, female pleasure has been dismissed as unimportant, shameful, or secondary. Women have been conditioned to adjust, endure, and suffer in silence, while their partners face little to no expectation of emotional or physical reciprocity.
Of course, not all men hold these outdated beliefs. Many modern partners value emotional connection and mutual respect. But for every woman in a happy, fulfilling marriage, there are thousands more who remain unheard, unseen, and unfulfilled.
How Do We Create Change?
1. Sex education must move beyond reproduction and include discussions on female pleasure, consent, and emotional intimacy.
2. Men need to unlearn harmful conditioning that dismisses women’s desires.
3. Women must feel empowered to express their needs without fear of shame or judgment.
4. Consent and emotional connection must become fundamental to how we define love and marriage.
Until these changes take place, women—from young brides to working professionals to older housewives—will continue to feel trapped in a system that refuses to acknowledge their needs.
It is time to listen to their voices, understand their struggles, and redefine love—not as something that excludes female desire, but as something that truly embraces it.
#loveandDesire