Trigger Warning: This article discusses self-harm, addiction, and mental health struggles, which may be triggering for some readers. Please take care of yourself while reading.
“I have control, and I can stop when and if I desire” In this light, the phrase can highlight a troubling disconnect between an individual’s perception of control and the reality of their struggles. Acknowledging the problem and recognizing that change often requires more than just willpower—such as support, understanding, and sometimes professional help—is crucial for effective healing and recovery.
Self-harm is the act of deliberately harming the surface of one’s own body, such as cutting or burning. Self-harm is often a way of coping with negative emotions. Genuinely speaking, I had no control over my emotions while doing it. I felt uncontrollable guilt after doing it as well, which emotionally ate me up.
It started all in 2022; it was right after COVID, and my year had ended, and 8th grade had started. It was weird for me because I had developed a bad case of social anxiety. I did not enjoy meeting people, but I also hated the fact that I was lonely; that’s where it all started. I was bored one day, and I shaved (dry) and got a few scars, and I liked the pain for some reason. This soon became a habit to cope with boredom and loneliness. After 4 months, I realized that this habit was giving me so much pain and that I should stop. I even tried therapy, but unfortunately, it did not work.
Then 9th grade started, and it became worse. My grades became so bad that I thought my life was worth nothing, so it became way worse, and I even developed binge eating. I was so emotionally vulnerable, and I always felt that I had no trauma, but why was I still feeling like this? I didn’t deserve it or whatever—basically a victim mindset. It felt like I could never stop; there was no end. I tried studying very hard, but I had concentration issues and gave up very easily. As my grades dipped, so did my mental health.
Self-harm was an experience for me, and I developed many other addictions because of it, like binge eating and internet addiction. While it may relatively look small, it really messed with my head. It helped at the moment, as it shut down all my thoughts for a while because my brain felt crowded all the time. That 5 minutes of relief sounded better than having none. I’d make myself bleed more and scream louder just so I wouldn’t have to hear my own thoughts. I didn’t want to die or anything, but I didn’t want to live like that either.
After my experience, here are some tips I’d give to stop self-harm addiction:
1. Track your emotions during your relapses. Rather than feeling the need to go completely clean, set small goals and reward yourself.
2. An external factor is often a main reason, so find other addictions, like going to the gym or writing, that are healthier.
3. Keep an app if you can, and share your progress with your friends or trusted individuals.
Other tips that may work:
– Journaling: Writing down your feelings helps relieve your pain.
– Medical help/talking to someone: Sometimes, medical help can be the solution.
– Connecting with nature: Spending time outdoors can help clear your mind while listening to calm music.
– Watching YouTube videos: Look for people who have had similar experiences; they may share unique tips that have worked for them.
A study in urban India found that 33.8% of participants engaged in Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI), with 19.4% experiencing minor forms of self-injury and 14.6% experiencing moderate or severe forms. The same study found that 6.8% of participants engaged in self-injurious acts with associated suicidal intent.
Talking to someone about self-harm can help relieve difficult feelings and reduce the urge to hurt yourself. Text SHOUT to 85258 to start an anonymous, free conversation with a trained volunteer who will listen and support you. Right now, your feelings are valid, and you need to help yourself.
Self-love is a long journey—so long that I don’t know if I can find it—but creating the belief that you can is better than having no hope. Self-harm or any other addiction may seem simple and easy, but the long-term behavioral issues it causes and the scars may remain permanent.