In many cultures, the birth of a girl is often compared to the goddess Laxmi, symbolizing wealth and prosperity. She is considered barkat (a blessing), as precious as a jewel. Despite this reverence, the norm that sons are considered superior to daughters remains deeply ingrained. When a girl is born, particularly after another girl, it is not uncommon to hear comments like, “Arey kash beta hojata toh varis miljata, parivaar pura hojata,” which translates to, “If only a boy was born, then the family would be complete with an heir.”
These comments reveal a deeply rooted preference for male children, seen as essential for carrying on the family name and legacy. While the source of these comments may have shifted over time—from immediate family members to more distant relatives and acquaintances—the sentiment remains unchanged, highlighting a cultural bias that continues to devalue daughters.
My personal experience has brought this issue into sharp focus. Recently, my maternal aunt gave birth to a baby boy, an event that made me think deeply about gender biases in our society. While I am happy for her, I find myself in a dilemma because this boy arrived after she had already given birth to three girls. Each time she had a daughter, I witnessed people offering their sympathies rather than congratulations.
They would say things like, “Oh poor thing, she has a daughter again, wish God would give her a son,” as if the birth of a girl was a misfortune. In stark contrast, another aunt who has two boys never faced such comments. When she was pregnant with her second child or after giving birth to her second son, no one said, “Wish God would give her a daughter,” or lamented that it was another boy.
This discrimination regarding heirs is not alien to me; I have felt it myself. As the elder child, a daughter, when my sister was born after me, everyone said the same things to my parents. It didn’t stop there. Upon seeing my sister, someone remarked to my father, “Ek aur kharche wali agai,” implying another financial burden, practically calculating the expenses rather than congratulating us. When my brother was born, everyone kept reminding us that he was the only heir and needed to be pampered. Though our parents never discriminated, this whole “boy is heir and girl is burden” scenario deeply bothers me.
This disparity led me to question deeply entrenched societal values. What if my aunt’s fourth child had been a girl again? Would she have felt compelled to keep trying for a boy? Why is there such a high status attached to having a son? Our cultural and societal structure is complex and contradictory. While girls are revered as blessings and symbols of prosperity, they are simultaneously treated as less valuable than boys. Girls are often seen as temporary members of the family, destined to leave upon marriage. Even if they excel and try to fit into roles traditionally reserved for sons, they are still considered secondary. This norm that girls must get married and leave the family home reinforces their perceived inferiority and limits their roles within their own families.
Understanding and addressing this issue is crucial for several reasons. First, the preference for sons over daughters perpetuates gender inequality, affecting the opportunities and treatment that girls receive from birth. This bias can lead to a range of negative outcomes, including emotional harm, limited educational and professional opportunities, and a diminished sense of self-worth for girls.
Moreover, this mindset undermines the progress we strive for in achieving gender equality and inclusivity in society. It fosters an environment where girls feel undervalued and secondary, despite their potential and capabilities. This can impact their aspirations, mental health, and overall contribution to society.
Challenging and changing this deep-rooted bias is essential for creating a more equitable society. By valuing daughters as much as sons, we can ensure that girls have the same opportunities to thrive and contribute to their families and communities. This shift in mindset can lead to healthier, more balanced family dynamics and a stronger, more inclusive society.
In conclusion, the preference for sons over daughters is a deeply ingrained cultural norm that has far-reaching implications. By recognizing and addressing this bias, we can work towards a society where all children, regardless of gender, are valued and given the opportunity to achieve their full potential.