Recently, at a family function, I was scrolling through Facebook. My eyes stumbled upon a question posted in a community, “Why don’t marriages last these days?”, and I was attending the opinion party in the comment section, having my gala time just when some whispering statements fell on my ears.
“Girls these days are demanding. They don’t settle for any less. Our Bittu is still not able to find a perfect groom. Do you know, that Mrs. Sharma’s daughter has come back within a month of her marriage? I heard she is going to file a divorce case.”
Then those ghastly eyes from the mahila mandal around followed. I loved how things were in harmony, what I was reading was synchronized with what I was listening to! So, like most of the family functions and get-togethers, this was also turning out to be a gossip session, a hub of unsolicited advice, and an unofficial match-making center.
I returned home, but these thoughts accompanied me on my way back. I have come across broken marriages in my circle. I knew the issues closely, I never judged either of them. I still am friends with both parties, just that we choose not to meet together, which is their decision and I respect it. Gen Z and millenials have majorly spent their childhood seeing their parents. If the parents become successful in portraying a happily ever after, then the kids also believe in the concept of love, and romance and trust the institution of marriage.
But if they only get to see fights, sacrifices, and compromises, they fail to see the real picture of the unison. There won’t be any couple who won’t fight, argue, or crib about compromises. But they should also try to show the good side of the relationship. Complimenting each other, apologizing after the mistake, and making up after a fight, these things should not be real in daily soaps, this should happen in every household in front of kids so that a sense of bonding and belonging is cultivated. The feeling of family is retained.
The other reason about marriages not last would probably be too much women empowerment in comparison to 0 men empowerment. Almost 2-3 generations are consumed in emphasizing the fact that a girl child should be educated enough to be financially independent. What about educating men on how to deal with educated, ambitious, and self-dependent women? After education, women have reached a stage where they fearlessly speak their minds, and do not mind walking off if things do not work.
But the Raja Betas are still tied to their mom’s pallu which acts as a catalyst to feed man’s ego and for not adjusting or compromising. There have been times when only a woman was the nurturer and a man was considered to be the bread earner. However, today’s woman has proved herself to be the bread earner in addition to being the nurturer. It’s too heavy to carry both responsibilities. So when a woman’s additional salary is an added advantage to the family, shouldn’t her responsibility of being a nurturer be also shared to some extent?
It is very easy to blame a girl if she decides to walk away, or decides to live in a nuclear family, but the fact is, it is not only a girl’s responsibility to adjust. The family should have an adjusting nature and an updated mindset that matches with recent times. If you want your daughter-in-law to treat you like her parents, you have to first treat her as your daughter. Also, comments like she is too demanding and does not settle for any less are wrong in a sense, because now she is empowered enough to know her worth, if she does not give in that means you have failed to earn that confidence from her.