Sometimes, I feel so alone. It seems like the warmth in my life is missing. I believe this has a lot to do with my family dynamic. As the eldest son, there’s a disconnection among us. You often hear about mothers and fathers hugging their children, but I never experienced that warmth, that sense of touch where I could feel I belong and am loved. Consequently, I’ve always had this void within me.
Growing up, I thought I might find this connection through my partner. Unfortunately, I haven’t found someone who could fill that void. I think this issue is prevalent in many men, especially in typical, stereotypical, orthodox Muslim families in India. It’s common for boys not to receive the affection they need from their parents, leaving them with a persistent sense of emptiness.
In Indian families, particularly in more traditional settings, sharing personal problems with parents is a delicate matter. Even if they don’t mock you at the moment, there’s a good chance they’ll bring it up later or make jokes about it. This makes it challenging for individuals to be vulnerable with their parents.
When it comes to homosexuality, navigating these feelings during adolescence can be even more challenging. You feel different because there are no examples around you, making you feel isolated. I believe it was crucial for my parents to provide the confidence and support necessary for me to approach them with my struggles. However, given our distant relationship, I knew they wouldn’t accept it, and the consequences could be severe.
Addressing the absence of warmth, it’s essential for parents in the new generation to understand the importance of emotional support. When a child is feeling low, it’s not about solving their problems; it’s about being there for them. Parents should offer comfort, whether through a hug or simple gestures like tucking them into bed. This warmth is something I’ve missed and longed for.