As the final moments of 2023 draws near, I find myself perched on the edge of reflection, looking back at a year that has etched indelible scars deep into the fabric of my existence. While my professional life stands as a testament to achievements—occupying a favourable position, earning more than my entire batch, participating in national and international trips, and gaining recognition for my expertise in leading an international project—my personal journey has been a labyrinth of challenges, betrayals, and lessons that cut to the core of friendship and relationships. Today, I am compelled to share a raw and deeply personal account of the heart-wrenching trials and tribulations that have moulded my perception of life and the individuals surrounding me.
This year unfolded as a profound personal nightmare, an unyielding tempest relentlessly battering the shores of my soul. It began with my return to India from Germany, fueled by hope and optimism for the warmth of friendships awaiting me. Little did I fathom that my life, already grappling with negativity, would slip through my fingers like sand, leaving me stranded in the desolation of despair.
In the midst of my struggles, I grappled with a harsh reality—individuals I deemed to be “real friends” were, in truth, emotionally exploiting me. I do not harbour regret for these experiences; instead, I carry them as weighty lessons in discernment and unwavering resilience. This period unraveled individuals who proudly identified as feminists, liberals, or moderates yet paradoxically clung to the most conventional and self-obsessed perspectives, as witnessed in events at a large scale within the University.
As time unfolded, the masks concealing the true faces of duplicity began to peel away. Each passing day delivered a crushing revelation: I was losing assumed friends, one after another, in a relentless domino effect that extended deep into the heart of 2023. Acknowledging my own imperfections and flaws, I also realized that my intentions stood in stark contrast to the actions of those around me. Nevertheless, I do not disown their kindness and help over a period.
Amidst the tumult, a significant figure emerged—Devasi (whose exclusive story I will share in the next part). Though I refrained from explicitly acknowledging love, the potential for such feelings lingered, and I dared to envision a future with her. Our overnight conversations transformed into a crucible for self-improvement, delving into discussions aimed at dispelling the darkness within me. It felt as though emotions and feelings were actively participating in the purification of my soul.
Tragically, however, two individuals I considered family—friends for whom I would have willingly sacrificed my life—assumed a destructive role, ruthlessly snatching away that envisioned future. The disillusionment with my old friends intensified, particularly in light of what Devasi was subjected to. She appeared to be manipulated and indoctrinated by external influences. Everyone knows she is naive among self-obsessed individuals. However, no one will acknowledge and accept it, as is usual.
Consequently, I made the difficult decision to sever contact, driven by the need to shield her from further harm due to true respects, feelings, and emotions—“Jane dene ko bhi izzat, rishta aur pyar kahte hai.” Ironically, my actions were misunderstood; she believed it was out of fear, a misconception fueled by her brother’s calls, even though he, too, was misled.
I made the agonizing choice to sacrifice my future with Devasi due to these individuals. Their malevolent actions showcased a callous disregard for my emotions, a willingness to tarnish the very fabric of my relationships that could have possibly blossomed. Their tittle-tattle and deceptive behaviour damaged not only my character but also left indelible scars on my self-esteem and dignity.
In this personal uproar, another assumed friend, someone I regarded as a big brother, shattered my trust. Despite the genuine affection I held for him, I discovered that he had actively participated in damaging my character for fleeting moments of attention he sought. I choose to leave them behind, much like morning leaves behind darkness.
The weight of these betrayals is an oppressive burden that I carry. I choose to respect their decisions, but their opportunistic and manipulative understanding of any relation has left a trail of negativity, casting shadows not only over my life but also over the lives of others. My fervent hope is that they find solace and happiness in their choices, refraining from continuing to emotionally damage the lives of others for their leverage.
As we stand on the cusp of a new year, I carry forward the scars of 2023 as throbbing reminders. I have learned to tread cautiously, discerning true friends from those who wear masks of friendship in the time escalating opportunistic, individualistic, and urbanized behaviour. My commitment now lies in nurturing authentic connections, and fostering a culture of empathy, understanding, and unwavering support.
May the wounds of this year serve as a collective reminder that true friendship is built on foundations of trust, loyalty, and genuine care for one another. Wishing you all a reflective and transformative new year.