If at all I ever go home for Winter vacations it only means one thing, that I didn’t really have a choice, but not of love. And we are commanded to do all things out of love, for that is done in love is done well.
” Because to love then, is to obey the whole law’. ( Rom 13:10 )
I know that my parents house is in ruins, much has been looted and lost, and there is almost nothing redeemable left, everything is near decimation.
It takes a lot more time for Harshaman Daniel to see the cracks than for an average adult
It takes a lot more time for Harshaman Daniel, to see the plain writing on the wall by the invisible hand, than for an average adult.
If I have to go back to my parents house, I have to do that by killing my own heart. Its like marital rape, I do not want to do it, but I have to do it and am forced to do it.
Isn’t it ironical, that during Winter Vacations when everyone wants to go home, and is going home, am doing my best and everything in my power, to not go to my parents house. That really shows how fallen the place has become like Babylonia, my parents have inherited nothing more than dust and curse, throughout their lives.
Even Laurel was telling me, Dan you have unresolved issues with your parents, you should sort them out.
And am afraid, my opening line when I reach my parents house would be this, ” I only came here because I had nowhere else to go, if only I am doing a job, you would not see me here’
This is not out of choice, but because I had no choice.
John was telling me yesterday, ” Dan you are called to build your own home first.’
And I am like, ” I would rather watch it burn, or leave it in ruins like that untouched’
A child not loving their parents is unnatural I know that. And now because I have no constants, am having a mini existential crisis. These are the times I really wish I atleast had a girl, a someone who is my own half, who I could rely on and call her family. More than rebuilding I am interested in starting things a new.