I still vividly remember the sullen look of my 9 year old younger brother as his hair was being oiled. A big dollop of coconut oil was applied as his hair was partitioned neatly at the middle. The middle part extended from the front all the way to his nape, with the hair on both sides of the partition braided tightly. But, why was he made to grow his hair long?
In our community there is this ritual of “Headshave and ear piercing ceremony” that is conducted for boys and it was the turn of my brother to undergo the same. For this ceremony, it is a practice to grow out the hair to atleast shoulder length before the ritualistic head shave and ear piercing are performed.
Understandably, my brother was extremely reluctant – he did not want his locks to be shorn off and he was absolutely dreading the idea of his ears being pierced and having to wear earrings for a approximately a year.
However, our relatives were extremely particular that this ceremony be conducted on my brother
This is where I had a problem.
When my mother and aunts were compelled to do certain rituals/practices for themselves, they had rebelled:
1. They objected to having their nose pierced and wearing a nosering on the right nostril, after marriage
2. While they kept a sindoor, they objected to keeping it along with a middle partition in the hair. They either parted their hair in the side or there was no partition.
3. They did not agree to necessarily wear a dupatta when wearing a Salwar.
I am extremely proud of the fact that they successfully fought against something they felt was oppressive and did not allow these rituals/practices to go ahead. No one should ever be forced to get these done.
Just to be sure, if a person has certain beliefs and wants to get a ritual done, then it is their personal preference – I have nothing against these rituals or practices per se. Also, it goes without saying, that if someone wants to get a headshave done, or get their ears pierced for religious reasons, it is completely fine – just that it should not be forced upon them.
But we went ahead with the rituals for my brother, against his wishes. The rituals were forced on him. My brother was first tonsured and it was painful to watch his long locks being shaven.
Next was the ear-piercing. My brother instinctively tried shaking and moving his head, in a desperate bid to avoid the needles which were to going to pierce his ear lobes, but my aunt held his head tight and the piercing proceeded. What came next was another surprise. Dangling earrings (jhumka or jimmiki) were inserted in my brother’s ears.
When I asked my aunt about why my brother was being made to wear heavy earrings and that too when the piercing wound was so fresh, the reply was a, “But doesnt he look adorable with a bald head and dangling earrings?”
As his earrings gently swayed in the wind, I couldnt help but feel bad about this hypocrisy. On the one hand we see certain practices and rituals as something that should not be imposed (rightly so, according to me), while at the same time actively imposing other rituals.
Is it because my brother is just a kid who could not fight back that these rituals were imposed on him? Or is it that we get outraged about imposition of rituals when it comes to girls, but we turn a blind eye when it involves boys?