My father would nod at me
only if I stood first in class.
Now,
I should be the first of my friends
to become a Mrs.
From a young age, girls are indoctrinated to aspire to marriage. Society perpetuates the idea that a girl’s life choices should always revolve around the concept that marriage is paramount. If she’s 30 or older and still unmarried, societal judgments come crashing down. It’s almost as if being single is worse than a pandemic, with people avoiding you, fearing that singlehood might be contagious. She is even compelled to observe ‘solah somvar vrat’ (fasts on sixteen consecutive Mondays), hoping for the appearance of her promised husband.
I used to wander
the toy store for hours
till I found my perfect Barbie.
But now,
a Ken doll has been
arranged for me.
I should behave
as he instructs.
In our formative years, we had more agency in choosing a Barbie doll (as long as it was a Barbie and not a racing car) than we do when a Ken doll is arranged for us. Unhealthy beauty standards continue to dominate the criteria for the ‘perfect’ girl – she must be tall, slim, fair, and well-educated. Men, too, bear the weight of gender norms, expected to shoulder the role of the family’s primary breadwinner. As if these restrictions weren’t enough, caste preferences still prevail in the arranged marriage setup. Advertisements, whether in newspapers or on Indian matrimony websites, are systematically segregated according to caste.
Drugged with coffee,
I worked until my eyes dried
to be the lucky one at my job.
But now,
we walk seven pheras
because the astrologer
assured my new parents
I would be auspicious.
In today’s arranged marriages, disdain for working women still exists, albeit wrapped in glossy terms. Girls are encouraged to be ambitious but not ‘too ambitious’; the fear of ‘intimidating’ their husbands looms large. Another favourite piece of advice: ‘You’ll have to quit once you have a kid. Why not quit now and enjoy your life?’ And the final blow: ‘You still want to work? Join your husband’s business.’ Arranged marriages thus act as tools to keep women financially controlled by their in-laws.
Even peeking
at liquor was prohibited.
But now,
on my wedding night
the wine bottle is thrust inside me—
I should stain the sheets red.
This is where it gets immensely complicated. We are taught that getting intimate without marriage is a sin. Yet, somehow, marrying a person your parents have approved, a person you barely know, is considered a match made in heaven. The first night with a near stranger is celebrated. Even today, a significant chunk of Indian society perceives women who have lost their virginity before marriage as devoid of value and questionable in character.
An arranged marriage setup requires that you conform to a lot of social norms, cultural practices and traditions. Additionally, if you’re looking for love through arranged marriages, you’re stuck with a system that reduces your prospective life partners to a pros-and-cons list based on arbitrary and offensive categories like religion, caste, height, weight, annual income — none of which ultimately are parameters to determine a healthy marital life. What is your take on Arranged Marriage? Do you plan to meet your future husband through this route?
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Mehak Goyal is a computer science engineer, start-up founder and B2B sales leader before committing herself to writing. Failure to Make Round Rotis, her debut poetry collection, is published by Juggernaut and released in July 2023. You can reach to her on Instagram at @mehakgoyal.poetry.