Ram struggled with his blouse, the sun’s humidity causing beads of sweat to trickle down his face, threatening to smudge his carefully applied makeup. After six failed attempts, he finally managed to don the blouse and prepared to create a captivating reel, set to the lively beats of the popular song, “Chikni Chameli.”
“I love creating Instagram reels every day,” Ram confided with a smile. “It’s my way of expressing myself, hidden away from the judgmental eyes of people and even my own family. I often film these short videos on the rooftop of my humble home in the village of Daulpur, or sometimes near the serene rivers and picturesque farms that surround us.”
As a 24-year-old tailor in the local market, Ram specialized in sewing women’s clothing. With a growing following of 14k on his Instagram profile, Ram harbored dreams of becoming an influencer. Yet, deep down, he carried a profound sense of insecurity about his identity, constantly fearing the repercussions of revealing his true self.
“I’m the only educated person in my family who has learned about the LGBTQIA+ community through social media, and I am one of it,” Ram shared. His personality and habits had always presented challenges during his school days. Upon returning home, the harsh rays of the afternoon sun bore witness to relentless teasing and body shaming from his peers. Ram endured hurtful labels such as “Chakka” or “Hijra,” solely due to his physique, voice, and behavior.
“People here are unaware of the diverse LGBTQIA+ community. They only know about transgender individuals, which they also associate with me,” Ram expressed, his voice tinged with a mixture of frustration and sadness. Uncertain of his exact identity, Ram knew one thing for sure—he was attracted to men, delighted in donning women’s clothing, and reveled in the art of makeup. In a village where ignorance and stereotypes prevailed, it proved to be an uphill battle for Ram to embrace his true self.
“Three years ago, I fell in love with a person from our village who identified as heterosexual. I summoned the courage to express my feelings to him over a hundred times, attempt ended in heartache and rejection,” Ram revealed with a touch of vulnerability. Overwhelmed by depression and anxiety, he found himself fixated on his love interest’s pictures. The sight of his lips stirred a longing within Ram, and his entire body yearned for his touch. The unrequited love and subsequent failed suicide attempts left him isolated, trapped within the depths of his own anguish.
Ram had made numerous attempts to confide in his mother about his true identity, but the words remained lodged in his throat, suffocating him with fear. The prospect of revealing his truth and facing the challenges that awaited him felt overwhelming.
However, Ram’s life took an unexpected turn when he discovered the power of Instagram. “Creating a private account allowed me to express myself freely,” he revealed. Through his reels, Ram discovered a newfound sense of liberation, performing for an audience that understood and appreciated his journey. He even joined a social media group comprising fellow LGBTQIA+ individuals, finding solace in their support and forming deep connections with like-minded souls.
Ram states, “I live in two worlds: one, where I exist with a false identity in the real world, and the other, where I can be my genuine self in the virtual world.”