“I Don’t Know How I’m Feeling. It’s A Mix Of Emotions”

Well, It’s a complex thing. Anyway I try to explain. I am feeling mixture of emotions at the same time. For an example feeling happy,angry,broken and nothing at all at the mean time. It’s pretty hard to put them in words. My mind and heart are so heavy with emotions but still struggling to pour them on a paper.(Feeling like poetry also abandoned me).There are echoes in my head space for peace. Somedays all I prefer is my bed.If I’m happy at one thing Mr.Pain gets so jealous. I don’t know the root for my sadness. It’s everywhere. My anxiety keeps me away from closed ones even. My night companion depression, he always  wants to stay with me(cuz he loves me so much). Betrayals from the people around me keeps me awake during night. It really hurts like hell when the people who are close to my heart also not understanding me .(Burnt down over the same pain again again). Trust issues is pulling me back to my past. Often my healed wounds are popping up.(The ashes from my nostalgic past are feeling very happy in giving me the pains freshly). Getting annoyed for no reason. Reality is more frightening than my nightmares. Appreciating myself for being too kind and blaming my heart for being too kind for the people who don’t deserve it. Confused when making decisions. Self doubts one side and my big dreams another side in a world war. Battle against my heart and mind. Having lot to say but afraid what if people don’t listen and judge me. Questions in my mind are eating my soul. Though my mind knows there’s no answer for them. But still waking up with a hope everyday to find answers for those questions!!!