In this year’s UPSC result, Ram Bhajan Kumar (34) and Vikash Yadav (27) secured 667 and 555 ranks in their 8th and 6th attempt, respectively. Now the question arises, do women also get the same attempts to fulfil their dreams? Legally, yes, they do, but on a societal level, we’ve failed to make our daughters fly high and think big. Even if they do, we restrict them with unnecessary time constraints.
The biggest restriction put on them is marriage. Girl’s parents would not give importance to their daughter’s education and instead would teach them skills to run their marital home. Remember, Home Science was a preferred degree for girls of respectable families! The legal marriage age for girls is 18 and for boys is 21. In India, on average, men and women complete their graduation at the age of 21. Hence, women are legally viable to get married even before they complete their graduation. So as soon as they complete their graduation, many girls get married and many forced to do the same and very few got chance to study further that to with a request. Himadri a 25-year-old student, said, my parents always tell me ki “umar badh jayegi, toh chehre ka glow chala jayega then who will marry you”.
On the other hand, boys are always inspired to do well in their careers, they get support when they make tough choices. Even if they fail, they are encouraged to try again. In their failures, we teach them “Learn, Fail, Learn Again and Succeed”. On the other hand, when our daughters fail, we say, “Iss baar aur dekhlo beta, agle saal to shaadi kara hi denge, umar to ho hi gayi hai.” Our daughters are left with no scope to persevere and achieve their dreams. After a particular age, generally around 25, women are pressured to get married and their life’s success is directly associated with the fact that whether they are “settled” or not. On the contrary, men get to choose when to get married. Their careers are prioritised over marriage.
Over the years, there has been a growing recognition of the importance of gender equality. The need to empower women in various spheres of life, including education, employment, politics and social aspect. But even now, education is considered a luxury to women unlike men. As for them, it’s more of a compulsion. Their education levels set precedent for their decent lives. Women are often associated initially with her father and then her husbands’ pride. So, they perceive it to be their responsibility to take care of her. And, her autonomy as a human being is generally neglected.
As we say “strong women build a strong society” but feeding fears into our daughter of “late marriage” and “no marriage” and fear of the family’s reputation and acceptance would not only be detrimental to their mental health but also damaging for society. How can we imagine a society, where women are afraid to fail? Where are they afraid to take tough decisions? As a society, if they fail, we fail.