The other day I told one of my male friends that I finally succeeded in putting my moped on centre-stand all by myself and it made me feel so empowered. He just laughed it off. There are so many reasons for his trivialisation of this skill because it is something you should know when you start riding any bike. But what if I am told since the beginning that to put your bike on centre-stand requires strength which being a girl I do not possess. I remember one of our high school teachers tried showing us the basic physics behind that and she demonstrated the same by putting different weight bikes on centre-stand, that too clad in a sari. Though we tried a lot following her instructions and still failed, but I think she would be proud after more than a decade that I could believe in myself enough to do so.
When I say that I do not believe in myself, the reasons for this are so deeply rooted in my past, childhood experiences and the overall mentality of the society to shape me into believing that I am a weaker gender and that my body is not cut out to do certain actions. These selective tasks have made my body habitual to the limited work and thus has kept me away from learning so many life-saving skills. It would sound as a lame excuse, but the truth is that we have been told for so long that we are weak, that we start internalising those voices as our own, especially from the menstruation age. Periods just become an excuse for men to justify women as weak. (Though we haven’t heard any sports matches being cancelled because women have periods.)
Women are not weak per say because their bodies are different or because they get periods, they are made to feel and believe since childhood that they are weaker and so should depend on men to help them out in most of the tasks throughout their lives. I am not challenging the fact that our bodies are different, and so are our hormones. Most of our energies are directed in a different direction than that of a man. And so, defining one gender to be weaker in general is not justified. But it is not just the physical weakness I would like to focus on.
Seriously, believing that women, who have the patience and strength to get up every morning before everyone in the house, do all the exhausting chores, sleep after everyone else and still have the energy to do the same the next day, are weaker is a contradicting statement in itself. But still every man would harp that women are not cut out to do certain things. And this mental pressure of being a weaker or subordinate gender takes a toll on the confidence of women to an extent where they cannot even function as a complete and independent individual. So a maid or female farmer works as much as a man at her place of work and goes back to do the household work too, will still be weaker than the man who earns more than her. Why wouldn’t she lose confidence?
Woman’s body has been looked upon in different ways by society and women themselves. Right from fitting into the beauty standards of society to becoming a sexual object and the safekeeper of the honour of a family or community, a woman’s body never remains the property of the woman herself, but is owned and governed by the society. Thus, what a woman wears to how she sits, walks or behaves is controlled by society. Even what she does with her body is decided by the people and the court. Recent example of the minor who was raped and denied the right to abort is enough example for it. (The whole debate about abortion is absurd, as it is a woman’s body and she should be the one to take a call on what happens with her body. Isn’t it so simple?)
Only if things were that simple. Most women feel ugly most of the time. There are two reasons for this – 1. The unnatural beauty standards that capitalism has imposed on our society and the absurd need to be fair and zero figure that has been propagated through various mediums in the society, and 2. The constant need for validation that women seek and they have come to the belief that their beauty is the only thing they can excel at in their lives. It is as if women have no other skills at all and the proportions of their body is the only thing that can guarantee them happiness. It is really disappointing that even now families are focused solely on these parameters as soon as their daughters come of age and/or when they look for a future wife for their sons.
Moreover, the bodies of women from different communities are seen differently. For instance, the bodies of upper caste and class women are the beauty trophies for their male counterparts and need to be protected. The labour class women’s body is to be used for manual work and exploitation. A lower caste woman, who is barred from the kitchens of upper caste people, should not be touched but can be raped, because her body is seen as an object. The caste, class and community decide the status the body would be subject to and how much freedom would the body enjoy.
But in any of these cases, women taking control of their body physically and sexually is an impossibility in a patriarchal society, because that would mean exerting power and refusing to fit into the moulds set by the society. So, women’s sexuality is seen as an obscene act and a sin to abstain women from any act that gives her agency to choose and refuse. This results in objectifying women’s bodies and making women ashamed of their own self, so that they never go ahead and claim the right to their own body. Basically saying that sex is the forbidden fruit and chastity is the reward.
This is the major reason why women are considered to be the epitome of the society’s honour. To break it down into simple terms, women’s bodies are the safehouse of a community’s respect. This is as absurd as it sounds. And that is why, anytime two communities are up against each other, women are the ultimate sufferers, because when someone violates the body of a woman, it is the violation or insult of the honour of that community. But the question is who decided that women want their bodies to be used in this way? When did women agree to become the honour of the society, community or religion that itself doesn’t honour women as a human?
I for once would like to state that we, women of India, didn’t sign up for the ego wars of men and we certainly don’t want our bodies to be politicised in the way they are being used. The patriarchal society needs to stop judging women and their bodies, whether they do or do not fit into the norms of behaviour, career, sexuality, gender identities or body types set by society.