Recently we went to meet our friends at their house. Both husband and wife are working and are at top positions in their respective jobs, rather the wife has a much higher profile than her husband.
We all were chatting, laughing, and having a good time. The wife stood up to make some tea for all of us as the cook was out running some errands. Just then, the husband taunted, “You will make tea? Do you even remember how to make tea?”
I was aghast, and the laughing stopped. My husband gave me a confused/shocked look. There was pin-drop silence in the room.
“I very much know how to make tea and much more,” pat came her reply. “Oh do you? I have never seen you enter the kitchen in ages, I haven’t tasted any food made by you since… I don’t know when!” he remarked.
Believe me; it wasn’t a pleasant place to be or a pleasant scene to witness.
The husband turned to us and said, “We have only two people making roti in this house, my wife and the cook, and when it’s thick fat rotis you’d know who has made it.” He was mocking his wife, while she blurted, “Yes sure, I make thick rotis, at least you don’t go hungry!”
Mind you, and this wasn’t the first time he had done this. On various occasions earlier, too, he has always made it a point to ridicule his wife in front of others, especially when it comes to cooking.
We changed the topic before the situation got furthermore uglier.
This whole episode got me thinking – Is it good to marry a career-oriented woman? Can a woman think of having an ambitious career after marriage? A man and his insecurities come floating on the surface, the moment the lady of the house is faring better than him! Woman on top… is it a turn-off?
Where is it a written rule that it’s only the wife who has to manage all the cooking? Of course, apart from managing all the other chores, especially when she is also working, just like her husband.
It was in the olden days when men used to go to work, and women were confined to the four walls of the house, taking care of their household responsibilities. In modern times, women too are out there working, climbing the ladder to success, and realising their dreams.
As Tahira Kashyap had rightly said, “Successful women are often seen like nuclear weapons: a threat to the harmony of a quintessential happy family.”
If he goes to work and has responsibilities, so does she. It is not practically possible for her to manage both the fronts efficiently. Hence she hires reliable house help, cook, domestic workers etc. These people take care of cleaning, cooking and all the other chores while she can concentrate on her work.
Her work too comes with deadlines, it’s not just the husband who has the work pressure. She too is in the corporate world and facing the same kind of work pressure. Yet we never see the husband come home from work and head straight to the kitchen!
Why is it that her work isn’t considered important? Why is it that she’s expected to cook and clean as well? She too is bearing the financial responsibility of the household, and she too should have the same privileges that the husband enjoys at home (read sitting in front of the TV or surfing the internet whole day on holidays or once back from work).
Why is it necessary that she needs to know how to make perfect roti or tea when she already runs a successful career? And even if she didn’t, it shouldn’t be a must, in any case. For a lady, doesn’t being proficient at her profession count?
In this man’s world where patriarchy rules, the only thing that counts is a woman should know how to cook, clean and care for the kids!
It’s appalling to see such educated and so-called well-accomplished men behave in such a demeaning manner. Apparently, education did not have any impact on them!
I would insist on the parents to let their boys learn cooking, cleaning and the rest, it may be useful and necessary for them too. Teach them the fact – it’s not only a woman’s job to handle the responsibilities of the house, but they also have to be equal partners in sharing the burden, after all, that’s what part-ners mean.
As for my friend, though she may have a shortcoming (not knowing how to cook), she’s proud of it, for the fact this one shortcoming doesn’t decide the achievements in her life.
She’s proud because there are many more accolades and accomplishments to her credit.
She’s proud because so many young girls and boys look up to her and want to be like her.
She’s proud because she’s a mother who is raising a compassionate and caring son.
In achieving all of the above, never has her shortcoming of being unable to cook, ever come in the way or has been a hindrance.
She proudly owns the fact that she can’t cook and it doesn’t bother her, and frankly, it shouldn’t bother others too.
P.S. She made fantastic kadak masala chai and yummy snacks too 😉
“Though a woman might leave the impression of her fate lines on the dough she kneads, let the ‘Roti’ made from this dough not decide her fate!” – Heena Shah
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