I don’t know why I have this feeling about myself. I think I am an underrated son in my family. All my family members are earning well and doing well in their lives. Yeah, everyone has their struggles and life problems. They might have also gone through many ups and downs. But I believe they have not struggled as much as I have; to have this sense of hope and confidence, as well as a mature state of mind, this life journey was not for me to drink like a sip of tea.
Whether it could be resolving personal issues, coming out of unemployment, honing the skills, networking with the right people, making self-strong, or awakening religious beliefs, God has opened every door of challenges and opportunities for me. I faced them all. There was a time when I lost my confidence in myself and began to develop the feeling that I am unfit for anything else. I took up off-field jobs in sales and marketing despite having a degree in mechanical engineering.
There was no other way except to begin from scratch. At that difficult phase of life, I never lost my confidence or hope for a better future. Although I felt disappointed in my failures at one point in my life, I never had this terrible feeling of wanting to commit suicide. In my life, I’ve never stopped trying new things.
My parents bowed their heads in shame when I came back to India from the UK after spending three months there. In 2016, I moved thousands of miles away from my hometown to pursue a master’s degree in automotive engineering at Oxford Brookes University. However, nothing worked there for me because I realized that this specialization was not the one that I was looking for in terms of study and career purposes. Finally, one day, I made the decision to give up on my studies and leave the master’s program.
I was severely ridiculed by my family members, relatives, and a few of my friends when I returned to India. I was not having much money at that time. I didn’t save money because I lived there for just three months and worked part-time at a Peri-Peri restaurant near my home. But I was kicked out of that restaurant too early because the owner found that a stupid boy like me could not properly carry out the responsibilities of a chef.
Finally, I got a job as a warehouse operator at a business that was located far from Oxfordshire—about as far as Mehdipatnam was from the Aziz Nagar and Moinabad districts—and it was a relief. The employer told me that based on your visa requirements; I can allow you to work for 20 hours a week as your student. I assured him that I am committed to working full time also. He replied, “I will be happier to allow you to work full-time, but, my friend, I cannot commit to doing it.” If you want a full-time job, bring the acceptance letter from your university. I didn’t tell him that I had withdrawn from the course. The need for earning and paying your bills and grocery stuff has made me work illegally. This was the first time in my life that I tried to fool “Angrez” people, despite knowing full well that they have ruled our country for 200 years. But this happiness and job did not last long.
I again met with a big failure when my employer came to know about my state of working there through the paper that I submitted while joining. The letter clearly states that I am not permitted to stay in the UK for a very long time. Either I need to return home or contact the Embassy for a visa extension.
I consider myself very smart and clever. When they knew my truth, they could have handed me over to the police at any time. Or it could have been worse: my employer could have directly called the embassy and complained about it, then sent the police to my room. This is their country; these people could do anything to put me in jail. By any means, I went back to my home with my remaining respect.
Life has passed me through such difficult paths that now I am not afraid of failure. I fail, and I am proud of my failure. My journey in life was by no means easy. Neither in my career or personal life, nor in my married life, am I successful. Boss, I am passing my life only on the support of straws. The day I lose my courage, patience, and strength, then even this straw will not be needed to save me from drowning in the ocean of my failure.
Still, I have hope, both in myself and in God, that one day my days will definitely change. I will be “Muqaddar ka sikandar,” like Amitabh Bachchan.