Recently, I watched a video where Conan O’Brien was invited to his alma mater for an interview and to interact with the students at Harvard. And during the conversation, Conan said something that made me go down a rather interesting spiral of thoughts (not that I can’t go down the spiral on my own).
Anyhoo, this is what Conan O’Brien said :
“College is getting about as lost as possible.“
A simple quote possessing so much meaning and depth, right? This made me ponder about how my college life is currently unfolding, and also about the narrative I was presented before and even after my college life started.
I think college years are the best years to grow, both professionally and personally. When you enter college life, you gain independence.
Now, when I talk about independence, I’m referring to physical and emotional independence. Financial independence is out of the scope. This is the phase of your life when you’re financially screwed, and even your parents know this fact. So, they safely cocoon you from the financial strains which allow you to invest all of your focus and energy into other domains of life. Your areas of interest.
Well, according to traditional parents, the only area of interest you should be having, even in college, is studies. Well, let me break it to you, they might have been making decisions for you since childhood, but now that you’re here, away from them, in a different city, you get the opportunity to make your own life’s decisions for yourself. Now yes at first it can seem intimidating, but do it long enough, and you’ll start getting the hang of it. It’s not a skill that you can master, but over time, you definitely can get better at it.
Why Get Lost?
You don’t get lost deliberately. Getting lost is a consequence of the pursuit of finding something meaningful. You don’t have to, per se. The people in your life will lay down a path for you, and you can traverse it without questioning for the rest of your life. It will be an ordinary life, and honestly, there’s nothing wrong with it. But even if there’s a tiny part of you, that wants your life to be extraordinary, then you’ve got to set out to explore. College years are considered the ideal time for doing this, but of course, you can do it in your pre-college or post-college years as well. Setting out to explore will help you discover parts of yourself that you knew never existed.
How To Get Lost?
When you start making decisions by yourself, you’re bound to get many wrongs. That’s normal. That’s how you learn. By doing, and failing, and then doing it again. Maybe, after 6 months into theatrics, you realize that it isn’t meant for you. Maybe after 2 years of trying out your luck in poetry, swimming, and dance, you recall the reason you chose to do the Economics degree, and then you end up doing a Ph.D. in it. Maybe, things are not working out between you and the person with whom you once thought were going to spend the rest of your life. Now instead of being mad at yourself for wasting so much time, be proud of yourself for trying. For giving it a fair, proper shot. From now on, at least you won’t be tormented by the “What if” questions at night because now you have an answer for yourself.
After spending a substantial amount of time doing something that didn’t work out, you’re bound to feel lost. To feel “behind” in life. But now I’m starting to learn that getting lost is not a bad thing. Getting lost is choosing to go beyond. It means that you’re the kind of person who wants more from life and doesn’t settle so easily. It means that you were courageous enough to take that leap of faith, and traverse the road not taken. So if getting lost can teach you something about yourself, how can it be a bad thing? Always remember: The people who have never been lost, have never set out to explore.
So does that mean playing it safe and not taking risks in college is a bad thing? No, not at all. Some people set out to explore quite early on in their lives. And after going through cycles of getting lost and finding their way back, by the time they reach college, they achieve enough clarity and maturity to determine what they want from their life ahead. In that case, getting lost in college is maybe not a requirement for those people. Maybe you don’t want to take risks, and get lost. Maybe you wish to lead an ordinary life instead. And also, what’s to guarantee that choosing to go beyond will not bring forth an ordinary life? The answer to that, my friend, is that if you’ve set out to explore, even once in your life, then you’re already an explorer. And every explorer’s life is always, always extraordinary.
And in case you haven’t set out to explore, don’t worry. College is the safest time to mature emotionally, spiritually, and professionally without having to worry financially. You’re not expected to fully assume the roles of adulthood or your family. At least, not yet. So, you also have time as a resource with you.
Now I’m fully aware that getting lost and navigating your way back is by no means an easy task. But when you manage to pull it off, you will be a bit braver, and wise, furnished with conclusive evidence as to why that particular option is not feasible anymore. You will draw strength and courage from it when you will be in similar situations at many later stages of your life.
Conclusion
Remember, each time you get lost, you are giving yourself closure by providing yourself with a definitive answer. You are eliminating an option that now no longer remains an opportunity. Now you know that this road is a dead end. So, one less “what if” question to trouble you at night, isn’t that good news?
I hope that when you hit sixty or seventy, you’re not tormented by the regret of not setting out to explore at a younger age because now you neither have the time, nor the resources, or even the energy. I hope your heart then will at least be filled with content that you have given things a fair shot in your life.
It’s only a lifetime, my friend. So, while we can, let’s give it a shot maybe?
Love,
Jyothi Swaroop Makena.