TW- Mentions of Rape, Sexual Assault
I will talk about one of the worst I’ve been made to feel in a very long time. I conducted a research report on why marital rape needs to be penalised in India. It was an extensive study and was researched for more than three months. The report included laws and rights, a comparative study between India and different countries, NCRB statistics, physical and psychological damage on the marital rape victims and perception and stigma of society.
It was a lengthy report, and I’m proud of the work I’ve put in to make it. It was a sensitive topic, and conducting the study was difficult for me; knowing the psyche and the pain the assault victim goes through was gut-wrenching.
The research report was made to spread awareness and spark conversations on the need to consider marital rape the heinous crime that it is and penalise it. As it was a sensitive topic, I happened to discuss it with a couple of my mentors, whom I looked up to, and I went to them as I was sure I’d receive honest feedback on my report.
But what happened during the discussion was so horrific and unpleasant that it made me feel sick. At first, they were happy, cooperative and proud when I went inside and handed them my research paper. They were smiling at me until they saw my topic. The moment they saw that, it was research done on marital rape. They were taken aback and what happened next was not a discussion. It was sheer bullying, shaming and harassment.
I started briefing them on my topic. First, I told them what marital rape is, how it’s an exception in section 375 and how it’s among the 36 of 100 countries in the world where marital rape is not penalised and should be. I talked a little about the statistics and saw one mentor shake his head in disbelief. Still looking unconvinced, the other mentor proceeded to ask more after explaining why it should be penalised as it violates articles 14 and 21, the right to equality and fundamental human rights of a married woman. He kept asking me why is penalising marital rape necessary. So I explained the same again.
What he said after that has got to be one of the most horrific and appalling things I’ve ever heard, and that too while talking about something as heinous as rape. He said, “Why do you want separate laws for marital rape when there is already a law for domestic violence? If a husband rapes his wife, Don’t you think that violence will be involved, and he can be charged with domestic violence.” He said it with a plain face and was so desensitised to the issue, disconnected, blank. Even after I repeatedly told him how heinous and gruesome marital rape is and how disturbing physical and psychological effects it has on the victim. He was ignorant and rigid.Ten minutes into the discussion, I wouldn’t even call it a discussion as they were constantly attacking me for talking about marital rape; they decided they were done with the discussion.
This incident reminded me why the fight for women’s safety, equality and fundamental human rights could not stop because we are far from it. This is why marital rape is still not penalised. Instead, the Delhi High court delivered a split verdict where one said how important criminalising marital rape is while the other judge said that criminalising marital rape will destabilise the “sacred” institution of marriage.
Really? If a marriage is a “sacred institution”, how can a husband rape his wife? Won’t it not be sacred, then? So a married woman’s identity is still amalgamated with her husband? A woman loses her right to prosecute her abuser only because he is her husband? Is marital rape and domestic violence the same thing? And as a woman, I’m supposed to keep shut about it?