By Jay Anand
Trigger warning: toxic masculinity
Men’s day is celebrated to promote the achievements of men and to help men form a positive self-image. It aims to start a conversation about the trap which forces men to define masculinity in a stereotypical way.
It’s interesting that men’s day is observed today November 19, which is also the last day of the transgender awareness week.
Maybe, we should see this as a sign to broaden the definition of a man, such that it is not limited to straight, cis dudes, and includes all identities such as gay and bisexual men, transgender and non-binary people etc.
Be honest, even though men’s day aims to break the shackles of toxic masculinity, how often do you see a trans man being included in the conversations around violence against men? Also, what about our mental health issues?
In my personal experience, while growing up, to assert my gender identity as a trans man, I would not speak as openly as my siblings because we often see men just deal with things on their own. It was heartbreaking to have to do that.
Let me explain with the help of another example how certain men are excluded from the conversation around men’s rights. So, I was looking up events and panels which are celebrating men’s day in India and found a particular celebration being about growing a moustache for an event.
This instantly excludes many trans men as well as other men with no or less facial hair. In the process of celebrating men, they have asked for something that excludes and triggers many men.
Why is a moustache the common symbol of masculinity? This is because manhood has repeatedly been equated to being hyper-masculine, and the moustache happens to be a symbol of the same hyper-masculinity.
Let me give you another example. Once, I told someone about me being a trans man. It was followed up by a conversation the next day where he shamed me saying: “If you feel like a man, you shouldn’t mind having a beer at 7 am in the morning after an all-nighter. This is what men do. Drink it up!”
In yet another instance, a cis man I knew boasted about how he had a threesome with a lesbian couple and that men can “change their preferences”.
I strongly believe that men’s day should not just be about acknowledging men’s achievements and addressing our problems, but also about recognising how men can be problematic. This men’s day, let’s talk about both. Let men’s rights not come at the cost of dismissing some men, while celebrating others!