Disclaimer: I am religious and this is an opinion beyond my religious practices that I follow for my peace of mind.
The year is 2001. I and my friend (an atheist since forever) along with all others, then in the 11th standard , are returning from morning assembly, when she quotes amid a gentle discussion: “I can’t God a man who makes his wife pass through test of character because another man said something. I mean dude why did you even fight Ravana if you had to do this only?”
I couldn’t deny it then and even after two decades, I can’t deny it still. I mean tell me again when was the last time a woman didn’t have to pass through fire to prove her innocence as a daughter, a partner, a friend, a sibling, professional, or may be just as a woman doing the right thing for her life or others. When was the last time women didn’t have to fight a male-dominant and greedy, women-fuelled world?
I say “greedy women” fuelled because a woman who doesn’t see anything wrong in rope skipping between her ambition and charms, is negatively submissive creating an aroma of “pleasing influential men to stay in power herself”. This makes it very difficult to socially break the ice of a certain imagery people carry in their minds of successful or ambitious women.
I couldn’t have wished everyone a Dussehra without paying a tribute to Sita, whom I have always seen as an epitome of strength and righteousness. She was a woman who made her own choices no matter the hardships that followed.
When it came to choosing between her own comfort and fulfilling a vow, she chose the latter even though it meant impoverishment for 14 years and when once she was doubted, she held her head high, passed through fire, lead a renounced life and chose to die than to go back.
It is easy to be a woman who conforms to social norms and succumbs to desires and weaknesses, and very difficult to be someone who accepts themselves as they are and walk with the head high, without using pity of others as a tool and power of others as a ladder.
Sita was the daughter of a king and was married to another, but still, her life wasn’t a bed of roses. The epic was set up ages before, but even today, fragments of her suffering remain intact. Every day, a woman passes through the fire to prove her innocence. Society just doesn’t stop.
Single – characterless
Married but interactive and social – characterless
Widowed trying to get her life together – characterless
Divorced trying to move on – characterless
Successful – characterless
Different in opinion than yours – characterless
Smoking – characterless
Pointing wrong done to her – characterless
Having a male best friend – characterless
Solution to everything – Please or suffer
But Sita refused! She refused her position as a queen and chose a forest for fourteen years. Later, she denied the crown for her dignity and self-respect. She chose to live without money, position and power raising her sons herself. Sita chose integrity and character over societal pressure and conditioning.
World since ages has expected women to sympathise, forgive, choose love in their hearts over self-respect and maybe, that’s why Sita was always shown in pitiful states in male dominated Ram leelas that have happened over years, celebrating Ram as her saviour.
No-one ever thinks: Sita wouldn’t have been kidnapped in the first place had she chosen to stay in the palace and would have given a warm welcome to Ram after 14 years in the forest and finally having a happy ending. She suffered because she chose righteous over norms.
Ram was indeed a saviour but his integrity was flawed and egoistic. That’s why I never call him maryada purshottam (the supreme man). The feminist in me would rather pray to Sita as a goddess than any other character in Ramayana as god.