Trigger warning: sexual violence
Every time I was catcalled or I was touched inappropriately, I used to be in this numb silence, a shock! “What just happened?”
As much I used to be raging with anger, all alert trying to avoid any “such” incidents, at the end of the day, in the comfort of my space, one question I always came back to was: “Why do sexual crimes happen in the first place?”
For my generation, the easiest way to get an answer to something is to Google it. There’s nothing that Google does not know, Google knows everything including things I didn’t even know I should know.
So, I Googled this whole thing and I am flooded with all sorts of National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data, data on women’s representation in the workplace, and so on.
I dug in deeper, NCRB data and women representation cannot be why I was inappropriately touched in that crowded metro, that’s not a legit answer. I dig further in and I’m met with this generations-old tradition which says: “Aurat ke kandhon ka kaam hai, ek mard ki zameen hai.”
Let’s Talk About Manuvad
This translates to it’s a woman’s responsibility to make sure her man stands upright. It further loosely translates to a woman is supposed to stay on the ground so that the man touches the zenith, which later on came to be understood as a woman should always be below a man.
Google is a power. I Googled more and I came across “Manuvad”, which is basically defined in “Manusmriti”, a book composed of a set of rules and guidelines to become an ideal woman written by Manu (the first man, the spiritual son of Brahma).
He highlights the whole thing—the key to being an ideal woman in a flourishing society is for her to submit herself to her husband, her family and not allow herself to get polluted by submitting herself further. Every time she thinks she is being polluted, be it in the physical, sexual or any other form form of abuse, it should be considered a form of penal fruit and not a form of abuse.
Now, “that” is how you become an ideal woman, according to Manu.
Darwin Said Man Has The Need To Control
For every abuse that happens, we end up blaming patriarchy and its roots for everything. Men want power and in order to rise to that power, hence they suppress the weaker parties.
We also talk about matriarchal societies, where essentially, it is the women that have the power and where men are the weaker gender or the ones not in the power, basically. At times I wonder about the women who are a part of matriarchal societies, have they never been harassed? Have they never faced any atrocities?
I went deeper further and came across one of these theories where Darwin says that it’s the need for control which takes the man through hell and back and it’s the same need for which he hunts, kills, and conquers… Makes sense to me.
How IS Sexual Violence A Need?
So, basically, it’s the sense of “control” which led to me being touched inappropriately? A man needs to feel the need to control his environment and its elements, and in order to achieve that, he resorts to these kind of actions?
Generations of patriarchy, abuse, and being treated worse than an animal…. Why? Because, the need for control of men couldn’t be kept at bay.
The way Darwin defined “need” and the way it came to be understood generations later—did he, even in the wildest of his dreams, imagine that the “needs of a man” will be justified by quoting his theory about the early man?
So, the next time I was touched inappropriately or was teased for travelling alone, instead of a question, there was the word “need”. And, every day, when I come back to my space, my question is: “How is this a need?”
Here, I go on another trivia hunt: “what” was that need that made him feel me this inappropriately?
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Originally published here.