Trigger warning: bullying, physical violence in school, queerphobia, death by suicide
Warning from the author: if you’re mad about this article, then that’s your problem. I just want to get this off my mind and this is a free country. If you miss school then props to you… Just know that not everyone enjoyed it.
I read a post on Youth Ki Awaaz about a kid who died by suicide because of the extensive bullying he went through because of his sexuality, at his school. The authorities turned a ignorant eye to his plight and ruthlessly kicked out his mother, who happens to be a teacher in the same school.
They even used coercive tactics to silence the mother. Not only is this pathetic, but it also triggered a part of me. In my previous posts about bullying, I’ve talked about everything about bullying except the name of my school.
But, since the school has remorselessly turned its back on the boy’s cries, I will be remorseless to call them out for their incompetence. The child is a student of Delhi Public School (DPS) Faridabad. And, DPS’s name triggered me because I was from the same school, albeit in a different city.
“I Was Bullied By Seniors And Juniors”
I was a student of DPS Patna from 2005 to 2017. And, like Arvey Malhotra, I also went through severe bullying from sixth standard till graduation. I have been bullied by seniors, peers, and even juniors. I don’t know about other schools, but I’ll discuss my bullies.
The seniors are wannabe jocks who have god complexes for no reason. My peers and batchmates would either not bat an eye when the bullying happened or they partook in it.
The juniors are just carbon copies of their seniors, who would look down on a person aggressively, just to get approval from their precious seniors.
When the bullying began in late 2010, I was dealing with my father passing away. Some of them knew about the tragedy, but they didn’t even have an ounce of sympathy or empathy, because having those emotions would hurt their pathetic, fragile egos.
“My Teachers Were Bullies Too”
The worst part about this was the teachers or the authorities didn’t do anything to step in. And, even if they did, the consequences you desired against them were of little to no effect.
In certain cases, they want to protect their favourite students if they get caught up in some shenanigans. There was favouritism to the core. Not to mention that the teachers themselves were bullies to some extent.
I remember back in the eight standard, during Art class, my art teacher grabbed my neck for no good reason. The only reason he did that was that I was standing on the ground even though others were doing that as well.
I also had an incident with my Math teacher who humiliated me because I spilled the beans to my classmates that went to him for tuition classes. Back then, I regretted it. As of now, I’m glad that I ratted him out because he was an egotistical prick, and I wanted to see his ego hurt for once in his pathetic life.
“Toxic Schools Affect Students’ Mental Health”
Teachers in India look down on you if you’re not an academic ace, a great sports player, socialite, co-curricular achiever. If you’re not any or all of the above, you’re considered an average or bad student.
In simple language, you’re considered damaged goods and you’re treated like an outsider or a non-existent person. When you’re dealing with a toxic environment in school, it affects your mental health.
In certain cases, you call yourself a loser, and sometimes people often resort to drastic and tragic measures like self-harm or suicide. I barely had suicidal thoughts throughout the entirety of my school life, but when that happens, boy it just gets depressing.
During that phase, the memories of my family and the struggles they will go through, gave me second thoughts about ending it all.
“Why DPS Is The Homelander Of Schools”
If you’re going to a hell hole of a building that is supposed to make you an adequate member of society. And, if you’re showing anti-social behavior or it just makes you hate society in general, then there is something severely wrong with our schooling system in India.
I don’t know about other schools in India, but DPS for me is the Homelander (from the series The Boys) of schools. Like Homelander, DPS prides itself on its motto: “Service Before Self”.
In reality, they’re just a group of self-serving vultures who are using our competitive yet useless education system, as a business. If they’re so desperate to make money, they should run a corporation. Why are they running a school? DPS is nothing more than a wannabe elite school, trying so hard to be Doon.
The young boy, Arvey took his own life because the bullying was at its worse, not to mention he was sexually assaulted and the authorities didn’t do jack about it.
Schools Must Protect Vulnerable Students
They ignored his mother’s plea to do something about the bullying, and worse, they threatened to not allow her son to enter the next grade if she escalated the matter.
Back in 2015, there was a campaign in my school to stop bullying. They were even distributing the stickers of “Stop Bullying”. And yet, I feel like nothing has changed since then. If they’re so eager to stop bullying, then why are we seeing cases like Arvey?
It just means that the school does not indeed care about students. They are supposed to build a foundation for our nation’s future i.e., the youth. How can they secure the future if they can’t even make a haven for the youth?
They can’t because they’re busy making canon fodders and zombies in an ultra-competitive yet useless education system. Our education system is the embodiment of the failures of Nehruvian and Confucian mentality.
No wonder our schools are bringing out the worst in people. Bullying is the reason we’re seeing rising hikikomoris in Japan or the school shootings in America. And, we’re going to see that in India if we don’t something about bullying.
“Arvey Was Bullied Because Of His Sexuality”
We live in a society where being ourselves is equivalent to committing a crime. Arvey was bullied just because of his sexuality. Our lives as students are already hard because our education system can make us pay money for a piece of paper i.e., a degree that is useless.
Not to mention, we’re in a field we don’t even want to pursue but because of parental and social pressure, we’re forced to be a cog in a machine. If we choose to do something we want, that autonomy is taken because, in their eyes, we stood against them.
A child was bullied because of who he was and they didn’t even bat an eye. No wonder why people question our society. Looking down on others is a common trait and a virtue in our society.
The fact that bullying is common and accepted makes me wonder if our mentality would ever change for the betterment of the country?
Suggestions For All The Parties Involved
Since no one is going to give them a reality check, I’m going to give some suggestions to all the stakeholders involved in the schooling system.
To the students: In this fast-paced world, don’t make everything about yourself. Just because you can achieve in academics, social life, co-curricular, and sports, it doesn’t give you the right to look down on others. Kuch nahi ukhaada hai tum logon ne (you haven’t achieved anything).
Don’t make everything about yourself and show some kindness to them. Some of their lives are already difficult. The last thing they need when they’re on edge is your egoist attitude.
If you don’t like them, fine, but don’t be a prick about it. And, if you resort to sexual violence, then you’re in great trouble because the law and the public won’t stand for it.
To the teachers: You’re not gods. You’re just a bunch of untrained professionals who got put up on pedestals long enough. You were treated like demigods in the past, but those days are gone.
I think it’s time you get that you start facing the reality about how behind the façade of demi-gods, you’re just insecure human beings. And, you’re just taking out your frustration on children under the guise of being strict.
I get it, your lives are tough, but so are theirs. You don’t get to piss off your emotions on them and then expect them to respect you. If you want respect then you have to respect them first.
You can be strict, which is fine, but tone it down. If you’re incapable of handling your own emotions in a school, then why are you teaching in the first place?
To the higher-up morons of DPS and those in the upper echelons of other schools: Do your jobs and provide a safe space for children instead of being money mongers. You have one job to provide safety to children and you’re failing in that department.
If you want to run a business, then run a corporation, or better yet, a coaching center since they’re already preying on parents’ and children’s money and insecurity. Don’t run a school in the first place.
To bullied victims and survivors: Life will never be easy. Unless they fix this system, it’s what we have to deal with. If you’re getting bullied then the best way to tackle it is to try as much as you can to collect evidence.
Make videos of bullying via phone (if your school doesn’t allow it, then sneak it in). Bring up witnesses. If that doesn’t work tell your parents, friends, guardians, or social media. Bring your story to light so that you or anyone doesn’t have to face it again.
“I Wish I Had Told My Family About Being Bullied”
The biggest regret I’ve made was I never told my family about my bullying. When my ma read my first story about bullying on Medium last year, it saddened her and she asked me why I didn’t tell her. I replied that she would’ve been angry if I did.
But, she said that she and my sister would’ve destroyed them entirely… That touched me. I wondered about how if I had told them everything, things would’ve been much different. The school failed Arvey deliberately, for years on end.
They weren’t there when he needed help. Since DPS played a crucial role in making the majority of my life a living hell, I’ve decided to denounce them for what they and their students did to me.
Sometimes, I told myself: “We were kids, bad things happened. It’s over. It’s nostalgia. I’m a tourist in my childhood. Just because I was bullied in the past, now I’m feeling all fuzzy and warm.”*
*(a quote from the 2017 film directed by Danny Boyle of “Slumdog Millionaire” fame called: “T2 Trainspotting”)
“My DPS Patna Chapter Is Over Now”
But if I don’t express this feeling, and instead repress it. It can only eat me alive. That’s why I’m writing this article to let go of these feelings.
And, if any of you are from DPS Patna, just know that except for my classmates and the teachers of my humanities section and some of my friends, you mean nothing to me.
To my former bullies, I may still have some grudge against you, but I don’t think it’s worth my time and life. The only thing I can do right now is: I want nothing to do with you. You live your life and I live mine. It’s as simple as that.
As for DPS and the other schools, either bring a change or don’t teach another child in the future. Bullying in Indian private schools represents everything wrong with the modern, judgmental, capitalist society. That’s all I have to say!
___
This is a three-part blog. Head here to read the second part and here to read the third part by the YKA writer.