*Trigger Warning: Mentions of Rape*
India is moving towards being a Vishwaguru by continuing to legally render 50% of its population into sex slavery. The act of sex by any human being with another human being against the other person’s will or without their consent is rape.
“Section 375 of the IPC made punishable the act of sex by a man with a woman if it was done against her will or without her consent. The definition of rape also included sex when her consent has been obtained by putting her or any person in whom she is interested, in fear of death or of hurt.”
Exception 2 to Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) says that sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife is not rape, i.e. the law provides an exception to a “husband”, i.e. “allows” a husband to have sex with their wife against their will/without their consent.
The exception to husbands for this special treatment “is based on marriage as an intelligible criterion”. This establishes the narrative that marriage gives a man the right to rape his wife or vice-versa.
What Is Marriage?
As per Britannica, “Marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union, usually between a man and a woman, that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any)”.
A legally and socially sanctioned union between a man and a woman. Why do we need legal and social sanctions? To avoid conflicts within the society, and when they arise, to have a guideline to resolve the same.
The common notion is to be able to have intercourse, children and family between these two human beings. It is also assumed that such human beings staying together is a sign of love. The marriage is based on values like love, care, trust, etc.
What Happens In India?
In Indian middle-class society, most marriages are arranged by parents. The considerations are made about grooms’ education, family, salary, government/non-government permanent job, ownership of wealth, etc., before fixing one.
On rare occasions, the prospective groom and bride have a chance to “see” each other, in some cases, “talk” and judge their respective compatibility.
The purpose of marriage is the continuation of progeny, for which intercourse plays a key role. However, sexual compatibility is never checked or the expectation to check the same is nullified based on Indian culture that does not promote sex before marriage (It only happens in some love marriages, that too in some cities where a girl and a boy get some privacy and a few months/years of togetherness).
What happens to the rest of the arranged married couples? We assume they do it during their honeymoon. A period just after marriage when newlyweds are sent on a vacation, the first time alone with their spouse.
The First Sexual Encounter Of Arranged Married Couples
Are these couples taught how to do it? The intercourse? Some TV commercials, condom/contraceptive ads, porn and friends give them ideas. In most cases, boys have access to this information, whereas, for girls, sex is the first-ever experience only after marriage.
In rural parts, girls don’t even talk to their girlfriends about sex. It is considered a bad sign. Well, cultured girls don’t talk about sex blah blah.
One friend of mine happened to tell me about the first experience of her cousin who knew nothing about sex.
“Shadi ke baad jab sab mehman chale gaye, to me aur wo sath me sone gaye the, jaise hi sone lage, wo mere kapade utarne lage. Mene pucha, ‘Ye aap kya kar rahe ho?’ Unhone bola, ‘Sab aisehi karte hai, muje mere dostone bataya hai.’
“Muje acchha nahi lag raha tha. Mene mana kiya par wo mane nahi, fir mene bhi kuch bola nahi. Dusre din mene apni saheli ko bataya, usne bhi bola ke sab yahi karte hai. To muze pata chala.”
I wonder if we consider it consensual sex or rape. And this is from a tier-2 city in Maharashtra. The girl and boy are both degree holders from college.
“Ab jab unka man krta hai tab krte hai sex,” she added.
In some cases, sex is equated to love, “Sex to kar rahe hai na? Matlab pyar hai,” irrespective of mutual consent, making sexual activity a performative ritual she must undergo in order to maintain the façade of a relationship.
If there is no sex, it is considered a valid ground for divorce, implying sex to be the sole purpose of marriage.
In a country where there is zero sex education, I wonder if consent even exists. I wish every girl and boy, from the time they achieve puberty, are educated on each aspect of sex.
I have never seen any couple from my close relatives or even friends who are married (love or arranged) publicly show any affection to their spouse. Never ever, except while clicking pictures together (I still force my parents to at least stand close and, if possible, put a hand on each other’s shoulders or feed each other cake, and they have never been comfortable doing so).
I haven’t seen them hugging each other, holding hands, forget about kissing even on the forehead. In the name of culture, you are expected to mask all the affection from anyone in the family and display it only in your bedroom, provided you have one. Or at night when everyone else is asleep, in the dark in the form of sex.
There is no notion of equality between men and women in Indian marriages. In a typical Indian marriage, the girl leaving her parents’ home, changing her surname, adopting an entirely new set of parents and relatives along with her existing ones, and dedicating her life to marriage is the norm.
She is supposed to do chores for him and his family, bear his name and kids, raise them, manage his moods, have sex when he wants to, feed him and his family, keep them all happy, and yes, then pretend that it’s not only his, but this is her as well.
In simple terms, in the institution of marriage, a woman is enslaved because, in this institution, we have clearly denied a woman her individuality, irrespective of educational qualification, social status, career aspirations and potential.
Exclusion of marital rape from criminalisation is just another aspect of the entire system where women are oppressed and kept so for generations, so much that it no longer bothers them or the society at large. This verdict is a testimony of the same.
The work of feminists has not yet reached rural India. It is still hard for many women from cities and middle-class families to accept and resonate with the notions of equality among men and women because they themselves have been carriers of patriarchy for ages, knowingly/unknowingly.
What better word do you have for women caged in the sacred jails of marriage where they have no protection against sexual abuse or have any autonomy other than enslaved.