Love for one’s mother needs no display. I, however, have chosen to capitalise the word and add an extra ‘a’ when I address my mother—“Maa”. This addition has remained constant, even during unforeseen tempests.
Please don’t be mistaken by the warm opening of this article. My Maa owns her share of sacrifices women make for their families, especially for their husband and children. She, too, is bitten by the bug named: “What will the people say?” Yet, there are shades in her character that inspires me to keep fighting.
On the occasion of mother’s day, which also happens to be my Maa’s birthday, I am penning this article as a tribute to her existence, priceless care, warm touches, unpaid labour, and tenacity to support the needy.
At times, some parts may seem like I am patting my own shoulder, but, they are only meant to be reflections of my Maa.
Maa Was My First Tutor
As my childhood tutor, Maa often engaged me with information outside the syllabus. Sometimes, she shared a gist of her favorite novels, at other times, she read out articles from the local daily—all within the capacity of my young mind.
I remember her particularly celebrating Arundhati Roy’s winning of the 1997 Booker Prize. I think I was in the first or second standard then. Years later, in my late twenties, Maa found me in a family squabble, arguing for the reservation of SC/ST/OBCs (scheduled caste and tribes; other backward classes).
Desperately trying to reinstall peace in the room, she mocked my education overshadowing my sense of politeness. I reminded her that it was she who had inspired me to read Roy’s “The God of Small Things” in the first place.
“What’s the point in reading a text if I do not imbibe the knowledge in my personal life?” Never again did Maa question my sense of righteousness.
Maa Knew I Was Pansexual Before I Did
“Coming out” can be a multi-coloured event for an individual. But, to discover one’s sexual preferences can be way more bewildering. As someone who identifies as pansexual, my realisation was affirmed by Maa… She knew for a long time before me.
When I specialised in “gender and literature” during my Master’s, she helped me learn beyond the books. She informed me of events on gender issues and awareness, with her limited resources of newspapers and word-of-mouth.
She is the reason I was able to attend queer-centered seminars, walk the pride walk of Kolkata since 2015, and produce articles like this one.
Maa Encouraged Me To See The World
When it comes to parental control, fathers often play the “cool dad” to the children, while actually being the whisperers of do’s and don’ts. Consequently, mothers become the sole face of oppression. As a single, girl child, I had to follow the mandate of returning home before sunset and no sleepovers at any friend’s house.
Life happened when I won the opportunity to fly to New Delhi (from Kolkata) for an interview. While I planned to explore the city of “dil se Dilli”, Maa suggested me taking a day trip to Agra. Among the handful places she has visited, Taj Mahal tops the list.
Despite my father’s hesitation, Maa insisted that I should not miss this opportunity. What happened next is my progression from a tourist to a traveller, who covered 17 states and the capital of the US, during my tenure as a Fulbright scholar.
Currently, I am discovering hidden gems of eastern India, particularly West Bengal and Odisha, and sharing them on my Instagram blog @thebongnymph… Maa couldn’t be more supportive!
Maa Helped Those In Need
My Maa, like most mothers, lost her way in the eternal labyrinth of being a housewife. However, unlike most daughters who respect their mother’s choice, I have been highly critical of her.
I have shared the downsides of that choice with her: midlife crisis, expectations of long chats from an ambitious daughter, and the guilt trip of not doing enough for the society.
While the Covid-19 outbreak has its everlasting impacts of losses and tears, I saw a silver lining amidst the dark clouds.
While our neighbours fired their domestic workers, Maa formed a network of unemployed and underprivileged women, and applied the “division of labour” technique among them, ranging from culinary skills to babysitting, and doing the dishes or stitching blouses for each other.
Maa Said Motherhood Is A Choice
I am childfree by choice, so is my partner. Despite the simplicity, my relatives make it hard to comprehend. One time, someone was mansplaining to me life’s natural course and the “clock is ticking” saga.
The relative used the “grandma-grandpa need someone to play with” trope, hinting at my parents. I like to fight my own battles. I always enjoy debating on topics involving the personal-political binary. I was pumped this time as well.
But, Maa interrupted. “I have no such expectation from my daughter, you. Adoption, maybe. But, that is entirely her decision.”
My jaw dropped. Months passed, yet, I am in awe of her defense. What can be better than listening to your mother talking about motherhood being an option and not a mandate? Right?
With age and experience, I have learned that the root cause of malice in society is patriarchy. Unlearning and learning is a continuous process that helps in the growth of an individual.
However, this opportunity arrives as a privilege, whether in terms of ascribed identity or achieved lifestyle. Therefore, as much as we love our mothers, we need to be patient with their growth and understanding.
This mother’s day, let’s do our bit to liberate our mothers in their own way!