Right from our childhood, we have heard so many stories about the sacredness of marriage, and that marriages are made in heaven with the blessings of god. It binds not only two people, but two families together.
It is said that marriages take work, commitment and love, but the one thing everyone skips saying is marriages also need respect for the couple to be truly happy and successful.
In India, marriage is a tradition in the society, with all the rituals and gods as witnesses, the priest chants in a lavish way. In the past, the age of marriage was young. Marriage was once considered to be fit for people young in age.
The percentage of women who got married before the age of 18 fell by 46% from 2005 to 2009. According to the 2011 census of India, the average (read: mean) age of marriage for women improved to 21 years. Thank god, at last, something finally changed in our country!
Just because of an orthodox mentality and narrow-minded way of thinking, we think of women as weak and feeble; enforcing rules and regulations, which ensured that we always remain backward in every means, when compared to foreign countries.
Duties Of A Husband & Wife Post Marriage
After getting married, the woman has to do the following things as a wife:
- She is expected to serve her husband.
- She has to take care of her in-laws.
- She has to cook food.
- She has to take care of all clothing needs.
- She should do her best to provide solutions to all problems which may arise.
- She must understand the temperament of husband and try to make him happy.
- She needs to make sure that the family does not lack anything, in any aspect of life.
On the other hand, the man has to do the following things as a husband:
- He must protect his wife.
- He should love her unconditionally.
- He must be patient with her.
- He ought to to fulfill her needs and wishes.
- He needs to spend time with her.
- He ought to treat her well.
As you can see, so many things are expected of the women after getting married in India.
What Is The Secret To A Happy Marriage?
Talking about the secret to a happy marriage, everyone gives advice and suggestions to protect one’s marriage by regularly trying new things, and sharing new experiences with your spouse. But, no one wants to know the deep, dark and painful secret behind the happy marriage.
It is not always the bed of roses that everyone dreams about, but sometimes it is too hard to explain what’s going on, because right from our childhood, we are told that after marriage, you have to solve your problem by yourself.
So, you don’t share it with anyone. Till now, we somehow follow the old beliefs and sayings. Marriage is all about mutual love, affection, care and respect towards each other, but what about consent?
As one of my friend wanted me to share my thoughts over the marital rape judgement that was delivered by the Delhi High Court recently, I am writing about Indian rape laws holding marriage as an exception. IS IT FOR REAL? Really, I don’t think such a hypocritical stand should be taken by the government!
The big question: is marriage a certificate of consent?
If Physical Violence Is Illegal, Why Not Sexual?
In India, women in a marriage are always pressured to submit to sex, whether they want it or not at that moment, because who care about her consent when she is married to her husband. Because: a husband does not own a woman’s body; a marriage is a social contract, NOT not a blanket permission for sex.
A women solely has the right to decide whether or not she wants to assent to her husband’s wishes to have sexual intercourse, or whether or not she herself wants to indulge in it.
If after saying “no”, a husband does not stop, it is rape, as she did not assent to it. She said “no”. It is as simple as that. Physical violence is illegal, so why not sexual violence?
The High Court of Delhi’s judgement was split on the criminalisation of marital rape. While justice Shankar affirmed the criminalisation, justice Shakdher denied it saying that, “The expectation of sex of the husband, with the wife, is a legitimate expectation, the healthy sexual relationship being integral to the marital bond.”
I, for one, had no words for these statements, but we can protest against these kind of unjust verdicts! Also, I support human rights organisations who are constantly fighting to criminalise marital rape. We should knock the doors of the Supreme Court to give fair justice to the legitimate survivors of marital rape.