Before communicating with a work colleague, regardless of where they sit in the hierarchy, prepare by:
- Identifying how they process information based on the language they use to describe how they feel, who they are and what they do.
- Then try to understand what drives and motivates them so you can use language that appeals to them personally.
This may sound like a complex task, but actually, once you grasp the following simple concepts behind these ideas, it just becomes a question of listening.
Understanding How People Communicate
Let’s take a look at the first technique.
Researchers including H Gardner (Multiple Intelligences), Kolb (Learning styles) and D Fleming (VARK) have presented ideas that suggest people’s preferences for a particular communication style is reflected in their speech.
While this first idea is not new and has been around for about 30 years now, I am constantly amazed by how few people really know about it.
When communicating, we tend to use three primary systems to process and communicate information. They are: Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic. VAK for short. While we actually use all three systems (and more-including smell and taste), research suggests that some of us tend to favour just one or two as our primary style.
Approximately 60% of people are visual processors and prefer visual communication through visuals such as pictures, charts and diagrams, video and written instructions. So someone with a visual preference will tend to say, “I ‘see’ what you mean, show me more”, or “That ‘looks’ good to me”.
Around 30% of people prefer auditory processing and like to hear someone speak to them. Therefore, someone with an auditory preference might say, “I ‘hear’ what you’re saying. That rings a bell”, and “That ‘sounds’ great”.
People who process kinaesthetically amount to about 10% of the population and they are more likely to use phrases like: “That ‘feels’ like a good fit to me” or “I’m ‘grasping’ to get a ‘grip’ on what you mean”.
‘Sound’ weird? ‘Look’, I ‘feel’ that once you ‘hear’ what I’m ‘saying’ you’ll ‘grasp’ the idea and ‘see’ that if there is a mismatch in communication styles, it can become more difficult for people to understand each other.
For instance, you might say to a colleague: “I’d like to see some of your ideas and show you mine so we can look at putting together a vision for the team.” And they might say: “Yes, I am looking forward to hearing your ideas and also tell you more about mine so we can chat about how it might sound to the team.”
Clearly, we have one person with a visual style and the other processing through their auditory system. This meeting could possibly become challenging at some point merely because of this mismatch.
However, by simply listening out for someone’s language, we can tailor our communication style to suit their preference. Thinking about the example above, you might say: “Great, I like the sound of that. We’ll talk through our options, and hopefully, once they hear the ideas, everyone will be harmonious on this.”
Simple enough, but this will need a fair bit of focus and some practice. However, it will definitely be worth the effort.
What Drives A Person?
The second technique is identifying what motivates a person and then shaping your message to include words that connect with their personal and professional drives.
Research by Paul Lawrence and Nitin Nohria, published in their book Driven (2002), supports the idea that every person operates in service of four innate drives.
In order to have a satisfying and fulfilling work-life, they must do things that allow them to engage and satisfy these drives. People especially need an opportunity to satisfy the following four drives in the workplace:
- to acquire and achieve
- to learn and grow
- to bond and relate
- to secure and defend
The theory has its roots in biological sciences and seems to offer a useful model of human needs and motivations to add to the existing literature.
Let’s take a brief look at each one.
Acquire and Achieve: Some people like to acquire lots of money, status, material things and experiences, so this drive can be very powerful as it is an evolution of the natural survival drive. A transference from the need to acquire items necessary for our survival, to a desire to acquire material and consumer goods.
People expressing this drive can also be motivated by the idea of gaining ‘more’ money, power or influence.
Learn and Grow: Having the ability to learn and remember things about ourselves and our environment has been a key element behind the successful evolution of the human species. As a result, the drive to learn and grow can have a lot of energy behind it which may become destructive when human beings become bored and unchallenged.
Communicating opportunities for personal and professional development is useful when trying to motivate someone expressing this drive.
Bond and Relate: Relationships are vital to human survival and solid teamwork is at the heart of great businesses. People expressing this drive like to belong, bond with others and become part of a team. They like to know they are valued as a member of the ‘tribe’ and expect loyalty based on their relationships with work colleagues.
They may refer to their team as a family, so communicating using the language of inclusivity and partnerships will help here.
Secure and Defend: Human beings are both possessive and territorial by nature. The drive to defend our property, family and reputations is a strong motivator. This can also extend to protecting our values, ideas and beliefs.
If we are under threat because we have neither the support nor the resources to defend our acquisitions, knowledge and relationships, we may become defensive and resistant. When communicating with someone expressing this drive, it is useful to use language that will make them feel more secure.
Of course, we are driven by all of the above drives at different times and in the various situations we find ourselves in, but it is helpful to identify a person’s primary drive in order to communicate more effectively at work.
To help deepen your understanding of a person you are communicating with, try to put aside what you think you know about them already and learn as much as possible by listening (with fresh ears) to the language they use to describe who they are, what they do and how they feel.
Watch out for body language, notice their energy levels and attitude and listen for their motivators. Even though you might believe your message is clear, don’t assume people can always understand your point of view. Remember, language makes meaning and creates our shared reality.
So these are my two tips for you. Using them will take some prep but should yield some surprisingly positive results.