Trigger Warning: References to child sexual abuse, trauma (also suicide ideation)
I remember being quite the “brat” while growing up. I was confident, unenthusiastic about rules, and never afraid to speak my mind. These “dreaded” qualities enabled me to start one of the first-ever movements against child sexual abuse in India.
I was ten and already a survivor of two experiences with sexual assault. Yet, today the ‘One Million Against Abuse’ campaign is testimony to a little girl’s refusal only to be “seen and not heard”(sorry, John Mirk, your quote is antiquated).
Being a young female, growing up in the 90s, where any mention of sex or sexuality resulted in shocked gasps and the customary “hawwww”, I was not surprised to find that I was alone in my battle against sexual assault. Though, what surprised me was the expectation of silence, as if not talking about an experience would render it invisible.
Almost as if it had never happened.
Of course, it happened. It happened with me, my friends, family members, strangers; wealthy, middle class, less privileged, across religious beliefs and gender identities. Not just with women but with men. With the latter being doubly burdened to remain silent lest they be considered (sic) less manly.
My prepubescent brain noted that it seemed that it was more acceptable to be seen as perpetrators of violence than victims of it for men. For me, I ceased to be a “nice girl” the minute I sought out help from a classmate because I had been self-harming and did not have anyone to talk to.
On To What I Can Now Call #BreakingTheBias
I spoke. I screamed. I showed my scars and vulnerability to an unwelcoming world which initially responded with radio silence. But, I did not give up. I spoke, and I screamed some more. There were days when self-harming was not enough, and ending it all seemed to be the easiest way out.
Understanding that abuse was not my fault was a turning point in my young life. Understanding that there is no excuse for sexual violence was another. Learning to challenge the stereotypes around “only bad/naughty/disobedient” children being “punished” via sexual abuse became lesson number one in my personal and campaign journey.
Even at a young age, I became sensitive about the many degrees of unfairness, the gender-biased treatment meted out, not only to women but also men and those with other gender identities. For example, when I was first sexually assaulted, I was four, wearing a light blue cardigan and pants. For those who said only women in revealing clothes are assaulted, I showed them a picture of myself when I was abused.
I still need to address and unlearn so many levels of prejudice within myself. Running the ‘One Million Against Abuse’ campaign and calling for personal safety education to be made mandatory in all Indian schools will encourage students and educators, and parents to participate in this vital journey.
Unlearning a bias begins from within and reflects through altered behaviour. Given that the education system shapes the minds of the future, students must start young when it comes to learning about their rights.
These rights include exercising body autonomy, communicating respectfully with each other, and being unafraid of being seen and heard, especially when they protest against violence and injustice with themselves and with the world at large.
Please sign my petition here.
Pranaadhika runs the ‘One Million Against Abuse’ campaign and ‘Shontu: United Against Online Harassment.’ She is a Kolkata-based activist, artist, and soon to be published author