Trigger warning: sexual harassment
Before he could even make sense of the world, my brother had two little sisters by his side. My brother Mathew has grown up seeing his sisters doing everything just like he would. So, he could never even fathom the idea of differential treatment meted out to girls and women.
One day, when I came home crying because a stranger had brushed past me in an inappropriate manner, he sat beside me and heard my entire narration. I told my family how I felt ashamed, frustrated and sad altogether.
I told them how I could not even face the wrongdoer although he stood right beside me for 30 seconds. My brother’s face sank after seeing me in such a disturbed state. After a couple of days, he came up to me and asked me: “You know what you should do in such cases?”
I was already touched by his response. He hadn’t been insensitive or dismissive about my sorrow. Moreover, he even had a solution for me. So, I excitedly asked him: “What is it?”
He told me to reprimand the wrongdoer immediately, and that I shouldn’t be the one crying when I haven’t done anything wrong. Mathew responded by saying that, “It’s that man who should be feeling ashamed, frustrated and sad, NOT you.”
But, I retorted saying that it’s not as easy as it sounds since I feel helpless, almost lifeless, in those moments. “It’s not conscious, you know,” I said to him. To this, he told me something that I will always remember.
He said that, “Just gather a little courage and look into his eyes point blank for 30 seconds—expressionless… That’s when you will see the dynamic change. He will automatically feel ashamed, and you will automatically gain strength.”
Mathew’s words have been my only weapon when I step out of my house.
Due to having several such conversations with each other, my brother has taken it upon himself to never make a woman uncomfortable in his presence. He is able to receive and express kindness without terming it as romantic.
Although many years had passed by the time he became aware of several of his misdoings, he apologised to his former girlfriend for being insensitive in certain situations, and offered to compensate her in any manner she deems fit. She graciously chose friendship, and he has always stuck by her decision.