Here is a fun light read to those who asked why I wasn’t writing post-Covid. If you think this write up is based on how my brother decided to cook one fine morning and blew up the kitchen, you got it entirely wrong. Instead, this is a narration on how a man chooses to be less prejudiced and accordingly change his attitude.
My brother is a 36-year-old bald tattooed techie who owns a Doberman to scare everybody. While his male Doberman looks ferocious enough to rip anyone’s head off on intimidation, I know that he is just another cheeky dog who likes jalebis.
For my brother, the day started with a water bottle and soaked badam (nuts), which he soaks the previous day, peels the skin and ensures we eat it. This is followed by a cup of his piping hot elaichi (cardamom) tea which could give Chai Corner a run for their money.
And no, he doesn’t think it’s a woman’s job to be the sole caretaker of the house. The responsibility rests with every individual.
Then came the part where my aunts and uncles make this huge ‘oh’ with their mouths, which reminds me of hungry goldfishes every time they see a man do household chores. Only a few people comprehend the prejudiced societal norms and how generations down, people have been conditioned to follow their respective gender work portfolio.
Now, you can ask who gets to set the work portfolios? To which the answer is not hard to guess.
It is a pure male privilege that talks about how a woman should juggle housework and a career. But unfortunately, pitfalls happen when you have too many things on your plate, and I have noticed how only the women are mercilessly trolled by their families and friends while the men are let off the hook.
Nobody thinks how blaming adversely affects their physical and mental health. Have you ever seen people appreciate a career woman with full-fledged family life? Instead, people only remember how she forgot to fold the clothes or wash the utensils.
From washing clothes to mopping the floor, from dropping the women to work to buying my sanitary pads, my brother is this person who isn’t biased about gender roles, and I appreciate that about him.
He isn’t ashamed of how people will project him and sticks to what he feels is right. He isn’t a self-centred or sadist who lazes on the couch when his sister or mother breaks their backs in the kitchen and suffers in the process.
Instead, he is what I call a ‘disguised feminist’.
This one time, I had to educate him on menstruation and what sanitary pads are used for. The rest is history. His hilarious doubt in the medical shop when I instructed him to buy ‘Stayfree’, ‘can I buy an extra packet, they don’t rot like tomatoes and onions right, do they?’ – to which the pharmacist had a hearty laugh. Most women think it’s a crime to educate men on menstruation, especially in Indian households.
Being a single Muslim woman, I have seen a taboo topic. The bearded men glare to the point where you fear that their eyes might pop out of the sockets if you dare to toe the line by deciding to be outspoken.
For generations, women have suppressed intense cramps, bloating, menorrhagia, nausea and acne that accompanies the biological process of shedding the uterine walls. I, for one, feel tired and barely have the strength to get up from bed during periods.
A small stress-related spike in hormones could upset the cycle for months together. Yet, we are not ready to openly talk about it, fearing the social implications.
But sadly, the privileged men take it for granted. Women are asked to carry on as if nothing happened. After all, it is not the men who bleed. This follows the callous attitude. But all I have got to say as Rachel did is “No Uterus, No Opinion”.
Period leave and access to hygienic sanitary pads are women’s right to live with dignity. Inadequate rest, mood swings, and depression affects productivity at work. I wonder why the lawmakers are still mute spectators over making it legal.
While Zomato has to be lauded for legalizing period leave, we need a more empathetic approach towards the topic. We are far behind South Korea, Taiwan, and Japan’s paid period leave policy.
Scores of girl children drop out of school out of lack of hygienic toilets and toiletries. While some countries have free access to sanitary pads, we are in this medieval age where precedence is given to women’s virtue over their welfare.
While my brother is not this perfect gentleman who does everything impeccably, he does make an effort to rectify his mistakes. Though he is a lousy cook, he assists well in reducing the work burden to half. Perhaps the first step to change. I feel his effort to bring change is what counts. And what we need now is for lawmakers to open their eyes and address the same.