4 Relationship Advices That I Sought From My Parents

Love has been one of the most controversial topics for debate over the years. Many people have expressed and pursued it in different ways. There are many stories in various cultures about how love was something to be fought for  to fructify it. Yet, ironically, it’s a necessity and a secret to a happy life. Because somewhere this fact states true- you are hardly satisfied until you pursue what you love. Quoting this, I also believe that love is beautiful and needs equal participation from its counterparts, it requires compassion, companionship, adjustment, care, unconditional regard, and respect. Lack of these qualities, along with wry communication, can hamper relationships, and abuse can supersede in the name of love.

According to Hendrick and Hendrick Typology of Love, there is a type called Pragma Love. Inspired by the theories of Love by Robert Sternberg, Pragma love is a case where partners work hard and strive for an enduring relationship. It’s also sometimes referred to as ‘standing in love’ contrary to a common idea of ‘falling in love. The partners put collective effort and assume responsibility on both sides to make the relationship work and keep the feeling alive.

Having mentioned the psychological and philosophical understanding of love, I want to put this into relevance with respect to my parents, who have been practising some habits and ways which keeps alive their love and respect for each other. They have inspired me in many ways to work together in a relationship and have even got a scolding when I didn’t respect the person I love.

Here are four things from my parents’ experience that have impacted me in significant ways:

1. Treat each other as equal

This has been one of the significant teachings for me throughout my upbringing. I have seen many partners, but there’s always been an imbalance of power-sharing between them due to work, gender, parenting etc. In my parent’s case, that’s never been observed. They treat each other equal and respect each other’s decisions for being what they want. My dad has never executed power on my mother, just in the context of being a man. This has been reflected in many ways; for instance, whenever I did something wrong, I was addressed with logic and rationality rather than scolding. I was given more opportunities to explore through. This is precisely what they have practised with themselves as well. My father supported my mom with the entrepreneurial idea of opening an art-based company that sold candles, chocolates, and paintings in 2005-07. This was done without any guilt or expressing that he was doing it out of pity. Thus, supporting by treating each other equally capable and understanding has been one of the important things that I have learnt from them.

2. Becoming a pillar of support in times of crisis

This has been another important learning. I recommend this learning to so many people that just because one of you is weak in a moment, that doesn’t call for extreme actions. I have applied this learning managing tense situations with my friends, sister and partner. A crisis is a big test of time and resources. If you stay with the person and do not make complete compromises but relevant adjustments, it always proves so much helpful. If a crisis makes you run away, you could be less reliable during any problem(s).

3. Having a sense of individuality and independence

This has been the most important learning from my parents. Both of them have spent time understanding each other and what the other person does. This effort helps them to not put conditions on every act or behaviour but rather give unconditional support to each other in doing things they love. Both have understood that certain things are put together that interact with their personality and the outer world. If snatching that essence away is a likeable solution, my parents are totally against it. They have made me understand the meaning of the coexistence of many variables. Today, when I practice the same in my relationships, it works aesthetically well.

4. Appreciating each other in public and private spaces

Love is not a show-off or something where you own the other person. Thus, fights are important in a relationship to keep it going and derive learning from it. It’s as important to appreciate the individual in the relationship. That too, not only in public spaces, in front of your friends or family. But in private spaces where you are spending time privately. A drop of being jovial does not hurt either. It’s a way of expressing that you truly appreciate the person and hold the capacity to strive for good and bad moments in the relationship. My parents shine bright in this department, where little moments we spend together are spent with so much warmth, laughter, and care.