“Nope, he doesn’t wake up at 6 a.m.! Let him sleep in. He played games well into midnight yesterday. Why don’t you just cook us breakfast and serve him his breakfast in bed? He might like it and bonding better hota hai, beta, aise! (your bond will improve).”
And, this is how most girls start their married journey.
It all starts from an overbearing expectation from one’s parents and in-laws, that one should become a hands-on wife, with a cook-book worthy, à la carte menu from day one.
Most Marriages Are Not Equal
One needs to perform all the household chores religiously, no questions asked whatsoever! Then, shouldn’t all schools start with a subject called “balancing life”, instead of teaching only home-science to its pupils with XX chromosomes?
Even goddess Durga might have complained someday, if she was a full-time, working mom. She would have to clean, cook and wash, simultaneously, every single day! Even her ten hands would fall short, right?
It’s not like I am presenting a gory image of this so called institution of “marriage”. Also, it’s not a generalised view. Yes, families do differ. With that being said, it certainly not a bed of roses for all the women who are in this “pious” relationship.
It is supposedly balanced and equal, but it is most definitely not!
If Both Partners Earn, Why Don’t Both Cook?
Talking of equality, now-a-days, the male counterpart is just not the sole earning member anymore. Most heterosexual families have both the partners earning and managing a family, as a whole.
So, why is the burden of maintaining a blooming household just a woman’s headache? Why can’t a circular chapati be a parameter to check a man’s innate talent? And, why can’t calculating the “interest rate” be a mandated checkbox as to the bride’s eligibility?
There are so many advertisements these days that follow the moment marketing rule of branding.
In simpler words, they go against the common rules or myths of society and try to bring in awareness, in the context of picking a controversial theme that has been an age old taboo or a no-go zone, traditionally.
Brands Love To Talk About Women Empowerment
Women empowerment is one such issue, that brands salivate on, to make the most ads about, these days. Endorsements by influential women with feminist thoughts and slogans, can be spotted readily on television sets and social media platforms.
But, where is the truth? The niche market or the target audience doesn’t even consume such content. Shanta maushi (aunty) from Borivali is not interested in naariwaadi (feminist) quotes.
She just wants her son to be fed three times without fail, and well-kept at any cost. She has believed this for ages. And now that her son has wedded a woman, she has expectations that her daughter-in-law wont fail her!
But, how does this stop? I can crib all I want. I can keep ranting on every blog and have my voice heard on every platform on social media.
Girls Are Not Born To Please Others
But, it does not end till our generation makes sure that we will not consider a woman coming to one’s family as an extra head to feed. It’s not like she has to serve us in-lieu of that, whilst proving that she is worthy of that.
She is equal in all aspects, or even better, in some arenas. Reform will only start when Shanta maushi takes a stand against her family, encourages women to get a proper education, along with teaching ethics to her kids and deciding to break age-old norms.
She, like every other woman, needs to overcome the barrier (of internalised patriarchy) and learn what freedom is.
Girls are not born just to please their biological families first, and to keep doing that after marriage as well. If she comprises of half of the population, she better should get treated as a “better-half”.
Otherwise, even Durga knew when to turn to Kaali for the good of everyone!