By Sadia Saeed
Do you experience any of the following?
- When you look at your face in the mirror, you notice the acne scar, the protruding ears, the crooked nose, the dark spots or some such imperfection, and you become unhappy.
- When you look at your body, you feel you look too fat or are not tall enough or are too thin or in some way just not right and feel helpless and disappointed.
- Do you try to suck your belly in, pout to look good, refuse to go out without wearing shapewear, heels or makeup.
- You compare yourself to others who are thin or athletic and feel inadequate.
If you answer yes to any of these, then you have some body image difficulty or a negative body image.
What Is Body Image Difficulty?
Body image difficulty is a dislike for the whole or parts of one’s body, comparing one’s body with unrealistic ideals, and an overall sense of dissatisfaction with one’s body.
If you have body image difficulty, it is very likely leading to negative self-talk, low self-esteem and perhaps even eating difficulties. However, the truth is; it’s your body, it’s how it is, and you have to live with it, no matter what. So why not begin relating to it?
Yes, it’s possible to be friends with your body! In my book, ‘You Are Simply Perfect’, I have dedicated an entire section to making friends with your body and an entire chapter dealing with body image issues. I will share some practices from the book here to help you do just that. However, before we begin, let’s look at why you have developed such a complicated relationship with your body in the first place.
The Reason For Negative Body Image
Body image difficulty is not only your problem. Millions of people have an unhappy relationship with their bodies, and this trend is only on the rise.
But who decided that tall was better than short or thin better than plump? We simply bought into this narrative without being conscious that we were accepting it as a reality. We were conditioned!
Did you worry as a two-year-old whether your hair was thick or thin or you had small or large eyes? Did you worry about achieving your developmental milestones on time? Of course not! Then what happened? As you grew older, you heard people praising some aspects of your body and criticizing others. Perhaps, you observed others being conscious of how they looked or heard criticism, praise and judgment about the physical appearance of people.
Then, of course, all this was reinforced repeatedly by the stereotypical beauty models on television, films and even books. Men—tall, dark and handsome. Women—slim, tall with flawless skin and thick, healthy hair. That sealed it. The conditioning got deeply rooted.
As if that wasn’t enough, along came social media with selfies and image filters. The message it sent was: Hey! Stay obsessed with yourself and your body. Click twenty selfies to get that perfect one. Edit away with filters. Blur all imperfections. Voila! Now you have your best physical version to show everyone. So you buy makeup, phones with the best selfie cameras, download the beauty apps and try hard to look your best. And the social media industry, with all its affiliated beauty and tech industries, is happy! Guess who is not? You!
You instead have a miserable relationship with your body, one that is rooted in shame, aversion and dissatisfaction. You have lost touch with what your body really is. You have forgotten that it is your biggest support system that helps you eat, digest, move, play, remember, study, perform and whatnot. It’s the most fantastic functioning system that lets you be you. Isn’t it high time we reciprocate its support and learn to love it back?
How Do We Make Friends With Our Bodies?
Here are some pointers from my book on beginning to make friends with your body:
Recognize how much your body does for you: Spend some time contemplating how your body supports you every day. Even in your sleep, it operates, digests your food, keeps you breathing and your heart beating. Think of this when you become disappointed with how your body looks.
Listen to your body: Ask it what it needs. Yes, it will speak, but it will speak in the language of sensations. When you become quiet and turn inward with all your attention on your body, you will know how your body feels and what it needs. It may say I need some rest. Or your eyes may say they are tired from watching the screen even though your mind still wants to watch it. Listen to its messages and support it. You can even just put a hand on your chest or belly to let the body know you care. Yes, it responds to how you treat it. Remember, every cell in your body is a living organism.
Smile and thank your body: Thank it for being this amazing support system every day since you were born. There is a beautiful exercise in the book where you can look at each part of your body, smile at it, and thank it for its excellent support. Tell your body, ‘You are amazing! You Are Simply Perfect!‘
Sometimes be seen in your simplest, barest look: Deliberately choose not to dress up and put makeup on a few occasions. For instance, wear your pyjamas, step out, put on your simplest clothes, and go out with friends or to a restaurant. Or put up some pictures on social media just as they are without editing or filters. This is a great way to lose shame around your body.
Contemplate that nature made you just as you are: Nature made you this way because this is what it needed you to be. If it needed your eyes to look different or your height to be different, it would make it so. Nature makes everything as it needs. According to it, every being is just as it ought to be—simply perfect. Respect nature by contemplating and realizing this wisdom.
Begin this friendship with yourself now. Even as you complete reading this article, take a moment to acknowledge the wonderful things your body does for you. Pause, smile and say a thank you. Your body will definitely appreciate it.