Last week, I watched an interview between Kajol and Twinkle Khanna where Kajol talked about feminism and growing up in an all-women household. She described how growing up, not having any hand down instructions on what to do or not do as per gender roles helped her “live through learning” rather than “learning to live with certain ideals” of a woman or girl. In her words, “living your life instead of learning to live your life.”
I understood from this that our parents often teach us societal standards to act or behave in ways that do not necessarily have a reason apart from being something we are told to do or see as usual and so must abide by. The idea of work designated to men and women in a household leaves a stark subconscious impact on our minds as children, which later shadows our future actions and decisions.
This spills into how we look at other genders, and adding lack of representation and ignorance thereof of other than heteronormative codes brings in the sense of alienation. Fortunately, most of us have had access to media and the internet, which has opened us up to diverse viewpoints and ways of life, making the mental transition of what is ‘normal’ smoother.
Social media and the slowly growing representation have become a crucial part of the bigger, better picture. But for someone who does not have the same resources. Even if they have access to some form of social media, with the amount of information that is very misleading and discriminating, it becomes a sad gamble on the consequences, often stifling what is ‘right’ with what ‘seems right to a lot of people.’
Hasn’t the simple sight of a lady auto-rickshaw driver or a young girl driving a motorcycle brought even the slightest moment of surprise, albeit delight, or even an unthinking notice from our sides? It is undoubtedly a positive sign, but it has to be singled out as a novelty, is what I am talking about.
We are programmed to have biases subconsciously when we grow up in an environment subverting equal and fair representation. And I take the liberty to say. It isn’t far from true that most of us have encountered some form of this bias in our households, from our own families, in every ‘well-meaning’ way, of course.
But how is that their fault? It is how they grew up, pan in the often tiny lens on childhood.
But the good thing is, when it is sometimes a difficult conversation with our parents or elders, it is not so hard to talk to our siblings. Younger ones specifically. So this is my request to every elder sibling to look for gentle hints that may play a part in forming a more extensive outlook.
Something as simple as unwillingness to watch a Disney princess movie only because it’s a “girl thing”, hesitancy to play with dolls or dress up ‘boyish’, even being called boyish/tomboy or vice versa just because of a haircut (yup happened to me), not choosing pink not because they don’t like it, but rather from a fear of being called out by peers.
It is essential to make the children, young ones, and our little brothers and sisters know that there are no definite lines regarding humans and their choices. And every person deserves the same respect and space to explore and become comfortable in their identity. It is a fundamental human right.
Here, I would also like to talk about how few remarks from elders or the behaviour of most adults form a template to pick up on, so it does get messy when the lines meet and cross each other when it comes to who to listen to an authoritative figure. So we need to be sensitive and precise. It is not rocket science, and the people who refuse to understand it only do so because some form of the versions they saw as a child is in denial.
In conclusion, from tending to our inner child to being aware and helping the children in our lives see the world with love, I think we’ve got this. I have so much hope in us. The youth. Millennials, Gen-Z and whatever the next one’s called. We have been given the privilege of information and knowledge, and it is our responsibility to use it wisely. If it sets its mind on it, the internet generation can and will make a difference. So let’s take the baton and pass it on.