Trigger warning: mentions of queer negativity and mental health issues
A UN (United Nations) report suggests that over half a billion people have been pushed into extreme poverty due to the pandemic. The economic hardship is unimaginable, augmented by severe disruption from our usual life.
A sudden lockdown, and forced farewell from the places of work and education, have affected and altered people’s lives. People were forced into their homes. Lockdown forced people to spend most of their time with their families—willingly or otherwise.
People who had created a safe space for themselves outside their families lost touch with them in an instant. Support networks shattered and alienation and loneliness affected people’s mental and psychological well-being.
Household is a site of inequality and hierarchy, that aspires to put a veneer of morality by forcing its members into specific boxes. Anyone with a difference of opinion is met with rejection and criticism. Lockdown made the controlling family structures more visible.
“I Couldn’t Focus On Online Classes”
Vipasha Anu*, a student of Delhi University said that “I wasn’t supposed to be in my home state and this wasn’t the future that I saw for myself as a college student.” Family does not give the same stability and comfort to all its members. It seeks unquestioned loyalty, adherence, and devotion.
The household for many, especially the gender and sexual minorities, became a site of repression and rejection. Many people grew emotionally distant from their families as a result of forced physical proximity.
For many people work was an escape that no longer existed, and they had to confront families they are not comfortable with.
Joy Kumari*, a student, said that the pandemic has worsened her relationship with her parents. Making ends meet is a challenge and an alcoholic father made it even more difficult.
“The most challenging aspect of living together during the pandemic is to study in an environment that is not conducive. I had a hard time focusing on online classes because of internal, family issues.”
“We Sit Together, Eat Together”
Some got the opportunity to know their families better and mend old ties. A lack of interaction with others also meant a lack of negative interaction with peers and acquaintances. It gave people a choice to not participate in unwanted socialisation.
One’s natal family, in such cases, provided a safe space to withdraw and escape reality. It helped deal with the loneliness that people faced due to a lack of social interaction.
Dev Kumar*, a 52-year-old, said that “The pandemic has allowed me to have a very strong relationship with my family.” It allowed him to spend time with his family. “We sat together, ate together, and bonded together as a family,” he said.
“Staying At Home Led To Constant Conflict”
A study of LGBTQIA+ people’s experience during the pandemic done by the University College London and Sussex University found 69% of respondents suffered depressive symptoms. And, 90% of those had experienced homophobia or transphobia.
Ron Abi*, a 22-year-old non-binary person, said that “My gender dysphoria, and euphoria, got heightened during the pandemic. A lot of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) experiences culminated during the same time due to constant abuse and simultaneous trauma processing.”
While Dev might have found resonance in “my small family” (made up of their mother and sister), the same was alien to Ron “despite their desire to support me.” Constant conflict emerged on the home front because he was forced to be around the same people every day.
The state didn’t provide any special support to those who do not have supportive families. Homophobia and transphobia is a reality in Indian households that needs to be addressed. Gender and sexual minorities have suffered disproportionately due to a lack of social and political representation.
“My Father And Brother Became Unemployed”
The pandemic made the historically deep-rooted inequalities and injustices more visible. While it provided us with a moment for serious contemplation, engagement and a sincere attempt to course correct, lack of political desire and willingness made people more vulnerable.
Aftab Asim*, a 20-year-old student, said that he became frustrated and irritated. He didn’t have the time or the place to study. “Yes, we are living together because my father and brother became unemployed during the pandemic. There is nothing any of us can do about it”
Family is a reflection of society and it does not mean the same thing for everyone. It thrives on social sanctions and holds the mainstream, heteronormative values of our society dear.
Family is a social structure that privileges some over others, and therefore, it does not provide an equal say to all its members. Who belongs how much, depends on what place one has in society.
Unfortunately, this makes it a site of violence, discrimination, and exclusion.
*Names changed to protect privacy
Featured image is for representational purposes only.
Note: The author is part of the Dec ’21 batch of the Writer’s Training Program.