Trigger warning: mentions of sexual harassment
People think that Gen Z has attained gender equality… And that patriarchy doesn’t exist for us. I’m a teenager from a middle-class family in Delhi, which—if you ask me—is a pretty sweet deal. But, I’m also a young girl living in Delhi, which has left me reeling from some traumatic incidents.
I wouldn’t call myself a tomboy today, but I definitely used to be one a few years ago. Even today, I won’t say that I’m a conventionally “feminine” person. Patriarchy started to show its ugly face to me when I was as little as five.
I was the only kid who used to climb trees. I liked playing sports and hated skirts. Therefore, I was labelled a boy. All the girls in my society used to tease me saying: “tu toh ladka hai (you are a boy)”.
As the years passed, their comments started meaning less and less to me every day. I was labelled as a tomboy later because I wasn’t interested in playing “teacher-teacher” and liked playing cricket with the boys instead.
For a long time, the parents of girls would ask them to only play with the other girls. On the other hand, the parents of the boys couldn’t care less.
I grew up in a society where I saw half the mothers working in offices, and the other half weren’t. Interestingly, the working mothers still had to do all the household duties, be it organising events on holidays, or other household chores.
So, I saw that it doesn’t matter if you work or not, the household will still be the women’s responsibility. When the fathers did the slightest bit of household work, they would be praised like they had lifted entire mountains.
I Was Slut Shamed As A Teenager
Coming to my teenage years, this is where I truly learnt that the world is made for men. I was one of the top sportspersons in my school. I would partake in athletics, so I used to wear shorts… A LOT.
I was, of course, slut shamed everyday. Teachers would stop me in the hallway and tell me that I should maybe start wearing longer shorts or leggings.
They used to say the same to my mom who, thankfully, is very liberal. The breaking point was when one of my favourite teachers, in my absence, talked to the entire class about my shorts.
Mind you, I was a 13-year-old. She sexualised me to an extent that things between us were never the same anymore.
This teacher would also scold me and my friends in front of the entire class. She would get angry at us if we would “walk like boys, talk like boys, swear like boys”. Somehow, the boys were never scolded for the same.
All the teachers would condition us by saying things like:
“Girls are so much more mature than boys. We expect good behaviour from you. But boys, they are stupid so we don’t expect much from them,” or
“Boys get up to all this rowdy behaviour, but girls are supposed to be more ‘disciplined'”.
Toxic Masculinity Was Encouraged
Even now, most of you must think that all of this is small stuff and that it’s okay. But, is it really? Conditioning small girls to be more submissive and respond better to orders—is it really going to raise independent and empowered women?
Also, girls were indirectly encouraged not to go to the playground during games period, by letting them off the hook if they stayed in class.
Boys were encouraged to be rule breakers saying “boys will be boys”. A girl would be punished and humiliated in front of the entire class if she “behaved like a boy”. Why?
When I was about 12 or 13, my best friend was a boy. We were extremely close and used to sit together. He would also hangout with my other friends, who were girls.
The extent to which my teachers shamed him for being “girly” or “feminine” was horrible.
The notions of toxic masculinity were taught to our class, using him as an example. He was shamed for a whole year, till he finally gave up and started following their outdated principles.
Different Rules For Boys And Girls
There comes an age when one’s life evolves beyond one’s school. We start going out. Again, what do I see? All my guy friends have all the freedom in the world and none of my girl friends have any.
To this day, if I want to meet my girl friends, I have to go to their houses. With all the everyday, social conditioning, they seem to be okay with it somehow.
In my family, I have always seen guys and girls being treated differently. For instance, when we go to someone’s house, my mother will directly to the kitchen to help, while my dad will sit down with all the other men.
I have noticed how when someone wants a glass of water, they will only ask me to fetch it for them, and not my older brother. I have observed how girls are perceived as “understanding” and “compassionate”, whereas boys are perceived as “leaders”.
Whenever we would have younger cousins at home, their parents would automatically ask me to take take care of them, but never my brother. No one expects a guy to do it.
“I Have To Be On High Alert In Public Places”
On the streets of Delhi, I have seen men staring at me, hooting, shouting insults and even going as far as masturbating in front of me. Every time I walk outside, I am always on high alert, thinking about what if today’s the day I get raped or assaulted. I know so many girls who have been groped several times.
None of the guys our age has to think about any such things. I still have to get home when it’s dark, doesn’t matter if it’s 7:30 p.m. or 5:30 p.m. How then, can anyone dare to say that we have achieved equality?
I am 16 now and I have gone through all of this. I am not alone. Every girl I know has gone through something or the other. I can’t walk on the streets without at least one uncle staring at me. I can’t walk while wearing shorts without at least one person telling me I’m too old to be wearing them.
I can’t walk on the streets after dark without being afraid for my life. Is this the world we aspire for? We are still bound by notions of femininity and masculinity. We still think that everyone should abide by all these rules.
For instance, we still think that a doctor is a man and a nurse is a woman, by default. It’s still not completely safe for a woman to just exist. Even today, one in three women face some form of sexual harassment. And, I believe that it’s just getting worse.
We Ought To Keep Pushing For An Equal World
I request everyone reading this article to not give up. I don’t think I want to bring another girl into this world… With the world not ready to look at her as an equal. I don’t want any little girl to go through what I did.
I don’t care if one hates feminism. Please don’t stop the conversation because you are busy fighting over terminology. Go further. Fight for equality. It doesn’t matter what we are called. It doesn’t matter what our sex or gender is. It is our duty to fight for humanity and every human.
If you see sexist behaviour, call it out. Tell everyone you know about this. Tell every little girl that she is equal, and consider it a collective responsibility.
The features image is of me fixing the cycle of a little kid, because his friends thought that a girl couldn’t do it. They were seven years old. He was trying to hide the fact that he had nail paint on his nails.
So, I showed him that I could fix his cycle with long nails which had nail paint on it. I wanted to show him that it is okay to like nail paint as a boy.