Trigger warning: mentions of abuse, assault, harassment
To my non-feminist friend,
Hi, it’s been a while since we spoke. I guess I wanted to say that, I’m sorry.
I am sorry that I couldn’t convince you of my cause. I am sorry that a movement I consider sacred, a movement that helped women get the social, economical and political freedom they have today, failed to persuade you of its need.
I am sorry that when I said “yes all men,” you failed to understand that this was not an attack against men, but rather a phrase that we used to highlight the privilege that all men benefit from without realizing its everyday existence.
So, I wonder, if just for old times sake, a time when you were an ally, would you listen to my plea?
It started when I was 9, the day I was dragged into the corner of my classroom by my teacher and asked to pull down my skirt. I came home wondering why the boys in my classroom wearing shorts of the same length weren’t asked to do the same. The thought stayed with me until one day my teacher slut shamed me for wearing lip gloss to the school and in disheartenment, I finally asked, why do these rules seem harsher for me?
She said, shaking her head, that young girls dressing a certain way could be a distraction for the male faculty and the boys in my class.
I was 10 when my parents dropped me off in my grandma’s society and unaware of the horrors of walking up a dark staircase alone, I went into the building. I was 12 when I finally realized what took place that night, what the security guard was doing when he grabbed my frail body and brushed up against me and touched me in ways I couldn’t get off my mind. My hand still tremors every time my mind travels back to that night.
I was 12, when I first experienced eve-teasing, I asked my mom what I should do, I felt helpless and defeated because like every other woman, she did not have an answer, she told me to pretend nothing happened and walk it off because she knew.
She knew any response or conflict could lead to violence against me.
I was 13, when I first travelled alone in the metro and in the teeming crowd, a man my grandfather’s age pulled my hand harshly and rubbed it against his pants. I was too frozen to understand what was happening to me.
I was 13 when my teacher spotted blood stains on my skirt and rushed me to the washroom. She made arrangements for me to go home. I was sneaked out of the school covering my skirt with a hoodie in a shameful manner to hide the menstruation blood. I went to purchase sanitary pads for myself and noticed how discreetly the shopkeeper wrapped it in a paper as though it was a tremendous humiliation.
It hasn’t been long since I realized that you and I grew up at different paces.
While you were getting used to going out with your friends and exploring the city, I was discovering the different ways to hold keys in my hand for self-defence. While you were stuffing alcohol in your bag for a fun night out, my first thought was carrying pepper spray.
I know, I understand this isn’t something you are aware of because you never had to take these measures yourself.
I can’t help but wonder, despite me leaving a strand of my hair every time I enter an uber alone, as evidence that I got into the car, incase I get kidnapped or raped as a regular precaution method, do you still see my feminism as unnecessary?
I Am A Raging Feminist, Hell Yes!
Is it too much to ask? The freedom of walking down a street without fearing for my life every time I do?
So yes, I am a raging feminist, let me tell you why.
I am a raging feminist because I want my healthcare to be taken seriously.
Because me lashing out does not equate to it being “that time of the month.”
I will spend roughly seven years menstruating over the course of my life, so tell me, why is menstrual hygiene still seen as a luxury and not a necessity.
Why is this topic of blood, the only kind that’s not raised from violence, a taboo in almost every part of the world?
I am a raging feminist because I should not be scared to say no…not to my own husband.
I am a raging feminist because marital rape is still not a crime in India.
I am a raging feminist because over 20 countries still do not have any laws against domestic violence.
The physical and mental abuse of a married woman is not considered a serious problem but rather just an ‘obstacle’ every married couple goes through.
“You need to learn tolerance,” is what they teach a woman.
I am a raging feminist because we live in a world where every time a woman opens up about assault the first question raised is what she was wearing and where she was going.
A world where schools and universities still regulate girls’ clothing in a sexist attempt to “make” boys focus on their education.
A world where men are taught to be “someone” their whole lives while women are taught to be “someone’s ____.”
We live in a world where I, a feminist, care about the problems of men. I care that the patriarchy tells men they have to be strong at all times and show no emotion since it’s not masculine. I care that mental health problems faced by men are still a huge stigma. I care that this society tells men that they shouldn’t be shaken over a sexual assault against them and that they should’ve taken pleasure in it instead.
But, feminists did not do this to you; other men and the prevailing patriarchal system did.
In multiple situations, I have found myself explaining to men how this movement, ‘feminism’, is beneficial for them too. Because irrespective of popular belief, patriarchy affects men as well. But I recently vowed to never defend feminism by explaining its benefits with regard to men again. Because I’ve learnt that the incapability of supporting the rights of women without expecting something in return is part of the problem.
Your Regular Feminist.