In May, HBO Max put a date to the most awaited event of the year, that’s right, I’m talking about the Friends reunion episode. As I sat in my comfiest pj’s to binge-watch the entire series within a week, I observed some problematic undertones in the show that my 13-year old self had either overlooked or dismissed.
Unfortunately, most of these themes stemmed from Ross. It turns out, Ross is the flag-bearer of Toxic Masculinity. Here are some instances when Ross let his insecurities and male ego get the best of him:
When He Was Uncomfortable With Ben Owning A Barbie And Hiring A Male Nanny For Emma
Ross seemed to have a very narrow mind when it came to defining masculinity. He believed that traits such as caregiving, babysitting, and playing with dolls were feminine, thus reiterating gender stereotypes.
When He Constantly Tried To “Prove” His Masculinity
Ross was constantly trying to prove to his girlfriends and others that he was “man enough” by showing physical strength and endurance. This can be noticed when he asked Chandler to cede during their Halloween arm-wrestling match, or when he played rugby, a game he wasn’t familiar with, to impress Mona and Emily respectively.
Another example can be when in his childhood to save face, Ross told everyone that he had been mugged by a huge man instead of the truth- a teenage Phoebe had mugged him. I believe a lot of men feel as though “tough” is the only way to be, which can make them insecure. We need to debunk this myth. No man should feel the pressure to act a certain way, and instead, learn to embrace who he truly is.
When He Lost Interest In Bonny After She Decided To Go Bald
Instead of being a supportive boyfriend, Ross was taken aback by Bonny’s decision to shave her head, and his attraction towards her faded, almost immediately. Through this scene, the character fosters the notion that men only care about shallow things such as appearances in a relationship.
When Ross Was Um… Homophobic
At the very beginning of the series, Ross was seen lamenting about losing his ex-wife, Carol, who had recently discovered that she was a lesbian. Although for its time it seemed very progressive of the show to normalize the idea of homosexuality, the viewers soon realized that it was nothing more than a comic device. Apart from Ross, other characters too indulged in various homophobic and insensitive remarks. This crossed all boundaries when Ross asked Carol to put her sexuality “aside.” That sort of blatant ignorance is simply unacceptable and should be combated IRL.
When He Tried To Control Rachel’s Life Over And Over Again
On numerous occasions, Ross hid/did not deliver Rachel’s messages and tried to prevent her from going out with other guys because he liked her and was too afraid to ask her out. He also took it upon himself to make Rachel stay in New York and went to extreme lengths to get her job at Ralph Lauren back, even before asking her what she wanted. Oh, and how can we forget? Not telling her they were still married so that he didn’t have to get another divorce! Here I’d like to quote my favorite feminist male character, Jake Peralta- “I can’t go around telling guys not to ask Amy out because I like her and I’m too dumb to do anything about it. I can’t make a woman’s choice for her.”
So there you have it, all the reasons I dislike Ross. Although the show hinted at misogyny and sexism several times, it also addressed some important issues such as surrogacy, being a single mother, gaining financial independence, etc. But most of all, it made us feel hopeful of the bright future to come and filled our hearts with warmth. I love this show, and in no way through article meant to “ruin” it for you. But one must realize the importance of calling out the toxicity in the content we consume.
Lastly, I’d like to say YES! They were on a break. I think after all this, I can give you that.