TW: Slut-shaming
‘Slut’ is a commonly used word used for women when one runs out of words. Slut-shaming is proportional to criticising a woman for their sexuality or having an agency over their sexuality. A woman is called out in public or private based on the clothes they wear. They are defamed if people think they are not equal to men. But they have the right to do whatever they want to (as long as they are not breaking any laws).
For instance, if a woman wears short dresses, she is tagged as a slut; if a woman is seen around the wine shop, she’s tagged as a slut; if a woman is spotted in a group of boys, she’s tagged as a slut; if a woman is in physical relation with her partner, they are tagged as a slut; if a woman hangs out with their male friend at night, they are tagged with the word ‘slut’.
Women being slut-shamed for such reasons is so absurd and unacceptable. No one has the right to slut-shame any woman if they haven’t eyewitnessed them receiving/asking money for having physical relations with any person.
I, as a woman, can’t and won’t tolerate this because I was slut-shamed by a neighbour in front of all the other neighbours just because he was angry. I can accept the fact that I have been a bit disrespectful towards him sometimes and have sometimes shouted at whoever it is if they interrupt my peace because of my anger issues.
I can accept that two of my male friends visit me at my rented place at night. I can accept that I have a physical relationship with my significant other. I can accept that I go out for short walks with my significant other at night to refresh my mind. But this definitely doesn’t give anyone any right to say that I am sexually involved as I invite guys over at night.
So, here’s what happened.
It was Friday morning and my neighbours were being loud and noisy at six. I, out of anger, shouted at them by saying, ‘Stop being so loud, it’s 6 AM. Aren’t you guys getting why the baby’s crying so much?’ They still didn’t stop making noises and my anger got on its peak. I shouted again, saying, ‘Why are you guys so noisy? Can’t you get it that my sleep is getting disturbed because of you people?’
The woman in that neighbourhood then responded by saying, ‘Why are you shouting so much, can’t you get it we have a baby? We have some stuff to do and so we are up early.’ To this, I replied, ‘The least you can do is speak at a low volume. Why do you people need to be so loud.’ Then her husband joined her and started shouting at me, saying that I’m a disrespectful kid and do not know how to be respectful towards elders by requesting them to be quiet.
‘Are you talking to me this way because you’re underestimating me? Come out and I’ll beat you. You’re being so disrespectful.’ Then I felt that the words that came out were funny, and replied, ‘You’re gonna hit a kid?,’ to which the old man replied, ‘Are you a kid?’
I thought the situation was going out of control, so I apologised saying, ‘Okay, fine I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have shouted (I said sorry to them no once but thrice).’ Then, this man started saying, ‘I’m not gonna accept your apology. Don’t you make noises at night? Don’t you eat and drink at night, and disturb us? You bring over guys at night and have sex with them the whole night, you prostitute.’
I was so pissed that I replied, ‘It’s my choice, whatever I do with my boyfriend. And it’s my private life. Why do you have to bother? Are you gonna call your wife a slut for sleeping with you?’ He got heated and continued saying things about me and I realised that things were getting out my hand. So I stopped responding.
I accept that it was my fault that I shouted at them and I even apologised to them for this. I know I gave them the reason to talk back to me, but this definitely doesn’t give him any reason to call me a prostitute. It doesn’t give him any right to announce my private life out to everyone. It’s my choice to have a boyfriend, it’s my choice whether I choose to have a physical relationship with any guy. No one can comment on my sexuality or my sexual life because of that.
He can’t repay for the mental trauma I went through because I was defamed in front of everyone. He couldn’t have brought me back to life if I were to commit suicide because of the mental trauma he made me go through. He can’t bring back my self-respect that he openly crushed in front of the whole neighbourhood.
It is not just me who has got suicidal thoughts because of being slut-shamed, I’m not just speaking up for myself but for all the women who have been slut-shamed at any point in their lives. It is time we people think like educated citizens and educate others with an uncivilised mindset that getting disrespectful is not okay. Letting adults be disrespectful towards younger people is not okay.
Getting shouted at by someone a younger person is not okay, but neither is slut-shaming younger women in the heat of the moment. Disrespecting a man is not okay but disrespecting a woman is not okay either. Being bossy at home or bossing around someone from another tribe is also not okay.
Here in Itanagar in Arunachal Pradesh, nyishis try to dominate the galos, elders try to dominate younger ones, men try to dominate women, even if they are partially wrong. I feel that we were not heard when we tried to sort things out by asking for an apology for slut-shaming me in public and me giving them an apology that I shouted at them because we are galos and we are teenagers. I’m not saying I was the only victim in this situation, but I’m not the only one that’s guilty either.