“Ohh! Do you see?! The furniture lodged in that truck! Yes! It is for my sister’s wedding. Do you doubt its quality? Trust me, it is sturdy and of the best quality in town.”
The man took so much pride and joy in telling us about the kind of dowry he had collected for his sister’s wedding.
The man boasting of his ability to give dowry may have been deep in debt and may also have other grave issues to address, such as repayment of loans and kids’ education in his family. However, there is no shame to be carried. Instead, it is shameful not to arrange dowry. This may make us all wonder, how much in practice is dowry still is?
In Mansa district of Punjab, dowry is an everyday reality, and an unavoidable truth realized when a daughter is born. Therefore, taking loans for dowry is an instrumental factor aggravating the economic distress of that region. Moreover, marriages in Punjab are not easy; instead, the extensiveness and elaborateness put additional pressure on families besides dowry.
Having been able to pull off a successful union would involve, among other things, a revamp of the house to leave a good impression on the spouse’s family, around three to four functions and ceremonies in a grand way culminating in the wedding.
Consequently, many households of Mansa district have leapt deep into crisis by not being able to repay loans taken to marry off the daughters. So much so that the bread earner of the house, always a man, decides to end their lives in a state when the repayment of loans becomes a far-fetched possibility.
The severity of the situation becomes clear when one sees that many daughters are educated, sometimes until post-graduation; however, it is rare to see daughters earning. Most of the time, daughters are denied to fend for themselves, considering the job to tarnish the family’s social honour. In many households of Mansa villages, it is common to find women jobless even though they have completed high school. It has also been observed that the level of education of their daughters is a thing to be boasted off while giving out the marriage proposals.
Rooted in patriarchy, the dowry distress is also a significant reason why daughters are still considered a burden on the family and society. A string of neem leaves at the threshold of houses is the most common sight in the villages of Mansa, signifying the birth of a son, yet another tool of the patriarchy.
The birth of a daughter is seen as an official signal to start collecting the material for her dowry. In other words, marrying off of daughters is considered a responsibility entailing numerous hardships, especially when there is high financial instability. The most devastating effect of such a crisis leads to suicides in the families. The inability to consider daughters as equivalent to sons and capable enough to own the family’s burden reflects the evils of patriarchy in society.
The value of daughters may be gauged later after marrying them off, given that while considering the extent of care provided to parents by sons and daughters, it was observed that it is normal for sons to abandon their parents. In contrast, daughters somehow manage to look after their parents, irrespective of the social barriers.
Thus dowry has become a real menace. However, it has been so normalized that it is accepted as everyday trouble; no matter how much misery it brings, it continues to be practised. Dowry is a crime; this fact is known to everybody; however, its subtlety removes the illegal factor involved.
Society’s psyche has so remarkably adopted dowry that people might have stopped directly asking for dowry; nevertheless, the subtle ways like reconstructing the house so that more respectful hence better-off families would want to marry their daughter off in that house. This is insidiously done to procure substantial dowry. The wall that has to be dismantled is the degrading notion that daughters are a burden on the family’s shoulder and cannot take the family’s honour ahead.
Only stricter laws along better, stringent implementation can solve this state of affairs. The Dowry Prohibition Act was passed as early as 20th May 1961 to eradicate the evil practise from society. Making dowry demands is punishable by a minimum imprisonment of 5 years and a minimum fine of 15,000 rupees. Despite the existence of such laws, enforcement remains unaccomplished. The panchayat, an integral body of the village, should legally weed out elements of dowry from society.
Moreover, the government also needs to strengthen proper investigative procedures to prevent the accused from going free. Further, government agencies should give directives to have awareness workshops in schools and villages and promote the need for educating the girl children. Finally, India requires a significant overhaul of its existing mindsets to push back against the evil custom of dowry and treat women at par with men to aim for the stars.