I used to believe that a lot has changed in terms of gender equality in the country. I was really shocked to observe that things are still the same. Recently, I was exposed to the system of arranged marriages and how they actually function, when my family started looking for a girl for my elder cousin.
There was this weird requirement that the income of the girl should be less than what my cousin was earning. Not only his parents but also my cousin was very much adamant that she should not be earning more than him. In addition to this, the aspect of body type of the prospective girl was under discussion.
Everyone was of the view that the girl should not be very fat and should be fair in complexion. A lot of girls were rejected by my cousin because he said they were a bit dark. All the girls were scrutinised for the way they looked — their eyes, nose, lips, skin, chin, etc. It looked as if we were in a shopping mall to buy some showpiece for our drawing-room.
Also, it was clearly stated in my cousin’s matrimonial profile that any working girl will have to move to Bangalore, where my cousin was working, and he would not be moving to the city where the girl was settled.
Another thing was that my family was not asking for any dowry or ‘gifts’ from the girl’s family. It is a good thing, but my family was too proud of this fact. They had this thing in their mind that they are doing the girl and her father a favour for not asking for dowry.
It should be very normal to not ask for it; it’s not something great that you are doing to them. Like in every conversation, there was this statement that the girl is lucky that she is getting married without having to pay dowry. These things expose us to the fact that we have not yet come to terms with the idea of gender equality.