I feel hollow. I’m stuck in a country where I don’t belong. I was waiting for this day for years and here I am, stuck at my place. I feel defeated and my tears cover my face. My life plays many games with me. It hasn’t even been a year that I get another hurdle in front of myself. Sometimes I think that I must have done some bad deeds because God is testing me at every stage of life.
Months ago, I had zero acceptances. No college was ready to accept a low-income student like me. I was shattered by the piles of rejection and for a month, I had no idea what I would do with my life. Then life threw a curveball, I got another interview, but the result? I got waitlisted.
Again for a month, I had to live under the fear that I won’t get accepted. Writing this reminds me of the pain I had to suffer for a year. The ghost of uncertainty was surrounding me at every stage. On May 27, when I finally got an acceptance, I thought that this ghost has left me and I can finally live the life I always wanted to.
No, life threw another curveball. I’m stuck at my place for four months. It was my dream to move into a college, meet new people, have a fresh start, and create memories that actually mattered. However, I’m stuck here, uncertain of what the future holds now for me.
I hate the word ‘patience’ with passion now. I have given up on the fact that I will never get to live my dream. There just are so many restrictions that stop me from chasing it. First, I was unable to get acceptance and now, I’m unable to go to college.
I wanted to decorate my room, be with new people and celebrate my individuality. I feel like I have no friends here. I’m bonded by restrictions, stuck in a room with 4 walls, and tired of having no control over my life. Yes, I have no control over my life right now. My control rests upon people whose negligence is causing me to be stuck at my place.
The COVID situation is undoubtedly tough, but people don’t realize my pain. I have a scholarship that I’m unable to utilize, the key to my happiness- my freedom and my passion to live my life freely.
Even more than my education, for me, my freedom matters. Your negligence is causing me to suffer. I send a humble request to you. Please make good decisions. Your carelessness is causing pain to me. Please stay at home.
Please be careful. Your actions are impacting me. This is a selfish world, but please don’t be gasoline to my scars. I need my life back. I want to live the life I always wanted.