Neither of us chose each other, then why have you set all your expectations just from me? I give all that I can to walk on the desired path you want me to walk on. After giving 100% of my hard work to it, I crave for a smile on your face, I crave to see those proud eyes. I never said you could be a great parent if you had done things differently. I never compared you with other parents, not that I want to.
I know I never will because I love you the way you are, the way you have brought me up, your guidance and parenting techniques have only been the best for me. But yes, I know you could have improved as compared to a few other parents. Regardless of everything, I have accepted you because the greatest lesson you taught me was to be happy with what you have and accept everything that you receive because everything has a reason.
Then why don’t you accept me as the way I am? I’m sure you want me to improve for my betterment, but sometimes, I feel a void of being. it never feels good listening your speak about how someone is better than me. Yes, maybe they are, but trust me, I’m trying my best in my own way to beat them, and not to make them feel down but to get higher in your eyes. It makes my void always improve myself and makes me feel I am so bad that people won’t accept me until I do the list of things you said. My self confidence goes for a toss.
I take you as my sole mentor and whatever you do is all I know that is right for me and the way I should be. All that experience you have makes you more elder and powerful than me. That is the only reason I cannot speak for myself in front of you whole heartedly, I won’t be right on matters we argue over, I have less knowledge of everything that’s good for me.
Sometimes, I want to be the bad person, I want to be wrong, I want to learn from my own mistakes. I want you to sometimes leave me at my own pace to grow, sometimes trying to improve for the future makes me weak, sometimes nothing makes sense to me and I want you to understand that I need my space, I need to breathe freely without being judged corrected.
I don’t know what I feel but when you try to make me better every time, it just makes us drift apart and trust me, I don’t want that. Sometimes, just accept me as the way I am, just love me a little more than usual, just compliment me for a few second. That is all I need.