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“A Year That Went On And On”: The Anxieties Of A 12th Student

“Omg! EXAMS CANCELLED!”

There pops this notification on my phone on the evening of the first of June. Everybody around is celebrating that we do not have to write boards anymore, including me. The dates being postponed not once but twice was extremely tiring, hearing of the cancellation felt like this sort of weight lifted from my shoulders.

This past year has been difficult, to say the least, with it all being held online, hours of sitting in front of a screen for the time that felt never-ending.

Texting or scrolling through social media aimlessly on the side, not getting to experience my final year of school actually at school, not getting to be around my friends during break and dispersal, all just led it to be very saddening.

Representational image.

I thrive on being around people – talking and listening to what’s going on around me. School was a happy place to me, roaming around in the corridors between classes, bunking here and there, having fun and just being. Having to sit in my room all day every day was something I’d rather have not done. Through the course of time, I have gotten used to it, much like everyone else. The pandemic sure has made me lazier though.

As happy as the news of not writing boards made me, the frustration around how the scores are going to be calculated is just as bad. 30% of tenth-grade board results is not something I would have imagined would be taken into consideration for our twelfth-grade finals.

In the past, I thought taking 11th-grade marks along with 12th would be the worst-case scenario. This certainly surpasses that.

“Why In The World Are They Considering 10th Grade Marks?”

I thought this to myself.

Taking marks from back when we had different subjects altogether does not make sense to me, along with the rest of my friends and others I’ve spoken to.

Almost everyone takes 11th grade lightly when compared to 12th grade, so it isn’t fair to put marks from a very laid-back period of time into scores that depend on us getting into good universities.

Applying and admission processes are just as stressful, if not more. Universities taking students based on merit is scary and does not look too promising, cut offs going through the roof, who knows if I’ll get into where I want to go with the very average grades heading towards me.

If the board would consider taking results from only the 12th class, then it would be a different ballgame, but alas.

The amount of time, money and energy being spent on applying and waiting for a response is so nerve-racking, along with the fact that lakhs of students applying all over the country, everything doesn’t look too bright, none the less I hope for the best, for myself and for all those around me.

Since I was little, I’d dreamed of going off to college and making new friends, living in a different country on my own and living life Rang De Basanti style, experiencing new things and becoming an independent individual. What I did not expect was having to attend university online, in the same room I’ve studied all my life.

Having to experience a new phase of life through a screen is going to be tough for sure, but there isn’t much we can do about it.

Looking at it today, it feels as though not much is going to change from school. Sitting in the same place that I cried over math problems will now be where I sit and attend university, hopefully not crying over what I will be studying. The 2019 me would’ve never thought that this is where I’d be currently.

They most likely envisioned sitting on a bed in a dorm room with a bunch of new friends gossiping about anything and everything. A new place, a different life, filled with excitement and energy. I still expect all of that to come my way, might take a while but I wish to be there someday.

Knowing that my future, education and career-wise, lies in the hands of my final grade as of now, I am anticipating mediocre, but I dream for a surprise, a grade that makes me go “Thank god the exams were cancelled.”

Featured image is for representational purposes only.
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