For a long time, I wasn’t even aware of the fact that the family I lived in was not a normal, healthy family. It was filled with toxicity to the brim and this day it remains the same. As I began to grow up, I became more and more aware of the verbal lashes and fights that seem to break out of nowhere between my parents and the panic attacks and sudden rush of anxiety I suffered from in a crowded area.
I experienced immense difficulty in relating to other people or talking to them and befriending them. A lot of problems I had as a teen and even in the beginning part of adulthood could easily be traced down to my childhood experiences and lack of a healthy social environment.
As I begin to understand the roots of my problems, I came face to face with the harsh fact that my family was not going to fix what they had created. No matter how bad it was, I had to do it alone with a little help from here and there. I began to see myself as a crippled victim having to live with the abuse I was given early on. The lack of a real relationship in my family made me sick to my stomach.
It just came to a point where I could no longer take it. I decided to do something about it in a healthy manner and that is what I did. I realized that even if others have wronged you, it’s still your responsibility to make things right for yourself since trying to change the person or inwardly expecting them to change is an endless and tiresome process and it does more harm than good.
I developed a sense of self separate from the mess I was in. Individuality, to me, is one of the ways out of a ‘family problem’. When you gain confidence in yourself and your ability to manage your emotions deepens, you can accept what has happened to you and grow out of it.