As a kid, I always thought education was a right that everyone naturally gets. Everyone goes to school and it is the natural course of life for every child. It was only when I reached middle school, I realized the irony that not everyone had the access to this basic necessity of life. My parents migrated to the city before my birth and that increased my chances of getting a good education compared to my cousins. Accessibility improved but the perception of a girl getting educated remained unchanged.
My School Life
My parents have supported my education, but it came with restrictions. While I was in school, I was asked to play safe, not be ‘too ambitious and not break any social boundaries’. Be it staying post-school hours or attending competitions that required me to go to other places, I always had to justify the choices. My opportunities were limited. I had to choose from what was socially acceptable and not what I loved. I haven’t seen the same restrictions for my brother.
Choosing The College And The Course
I expected things to change once I am off to college. But I did not have a say in the kind of college that I wanted to go to. I wasn’t asked if the college catered to my interests. My family chose it for me based on if the college was near my home and had enough restrictions. There was an attempt made to set up boundaries through an educational institution.
The choice of subject that I took during my college received heavy flak from my relatives. According to them, science is a male-dominated domain. Moreover, they told my parents that preparing for an entrance exam and pursuing a medicine or engineering career means a loss of the so-called productive years to get married.
The Pressure Of Marriage
My relatives began talking about my marriage as soon as I turned 21. Whenever I sat in the comfort of my home to study, I was told to not be a nerd as I would not get a good marriage proposal.
Education has more often been seen as a means to improve my status in the marriage market since most grooms ‘demanded’ educated women.
There is a constant invisible pressure where I have to excel at whatever I do. It would later have an impact on how people perceive me. Whenever I scored less than what was expected, I was exempted from household chores to score better. I was taught that not being asked to participate in household chores was a privilege that I couldn’t misuse.
I was not allowed to fail. Every time I made a mistake, I was reminded that I am a girl and I have certain expectations to live up to. I have been subjected to comments from random strangers on how I should get married at an appropriate age and I could get ‘permission’ to study further.
Lack Of Support In Career Choices
I was 22 when I first stepped out of my town on my own. I decided to pursue what mattered to me instead of the safe path that my family wanted. This was met with a lot of protest from my family and withdrawal of any kind of support for my further education. I was filled with self-doubt and guilt. It took me a month to come out of that feeling. Pursuing what I love has been a constant battle of dialogue and negotiation.
Working in the social sector was initially seen as a hobby by my family. They believed that it would phase out with time. I had to prove myself to make them see how serious I was about what I do and expect the same respect for my work.
When I started pursuing my Masters at 32, one of the major concerns my parents had was how it would reflect in the community when they talked about my marriage proposal. It took them some time to accept my decision of studying at this age when they could see others in the extended family getting married and having kids.
I have never found anyone in my family celebrating my achievements or saying that they are proud of me. I knew it would have been a different story if I conformed to societal norms. I would have been ‘approved’ if I did what every girl is expected to do. I am allowed to be educated as long as I stick to the societal timeline and adhere to the norms. I got labelled as a rebel because I dared to dream and think that education is my basic right.