Note: The following article is based on a survey the author conducted with 70 cis-gendered men. The use of the terminology ‘men’ is to address cis-gendered men and ‘menstruators’ to include trans men who bleed too.
Toxic Shock Syndrome is a life-threatening condition caused by the release of harmful toxins. It can happen when a menstruator leaves a pad or tampon on them for long hours. In a survey that I conducted with 70 cis-gendered men, only 2.9% said it was a condition menstruators were prone to while 54.3% of men responded saying that it was Premenstrual Syndrome.
Men, I think it is high time we talk.
In middle school, a very concerned friend told me about what had happened to Payal (name changed) from class 7B. Payal had got her period in class and had stained her white skirt. The boys sitting behind her had laughed and soon after others joined. The incident made all the other girls extremely conscious of staining. They would often take another girlfriend walking close behind them to the washroom so that if there were a stain, it would not be visible to the boys.
Growing up, I would often wonder why periods were a girl’s problem alone. At twenty, I know it is not our problem alone, yet only menstruators are taught and policed about it. The survey I conducted revealed that 77.1% of men were not told about menstruation outside of their mandatory school syllabus.
This education in our biology books as I remember was a class full of giggles and side glances with an uncomfortable teacher trying to rush through the topic. When it comes to being provided with enough information about menstruation growing up, 68.6% of men responded, saying they were not provided with enough information. About 60% of them said that their parents did not talk to them about periods.
So while Payal and other menstruators had horrible first experiences of getting their periods and were taken to separate rooms to be told about this ‘girl problem’, boys were kept away. This segregation of genders at a young age limits men from knowing more about menstruation than just what is written in textbooks.
But How Will Men Speaking About Periods Make Any Difference?
An article by Karan Babbar titled ‘To My Fellow Male Citizens, Let’s Talk About Periods‘ has the following quote.
“Patriarchy is deeply rooted in our society, where men exercise power over women in all socio-economic institutions of the society, and they exercise this power by taking a significant role in decision making. Women are seen as second-class citizens with very little power. One of the reasons why women are not able to manage their menses is their inability to control resources.”
In a society where men are the dominant policymakers and decision-makers, even at a household level, a lot of menstruators’ menstrual experiences are impacted by them. The way a person feels during their period and what assistance is provided to them can highly impact a menstruator’s outlook towards periods. I have known so many menstruators all my life who hate periods for the shame, discomfort, and stigma attached to them. These experiences are often dealt with “Saari ladkiyon ko hota hai. Seh lo,” but here is the thing, it doesn’t have to be a bad experience, and we don’t have to bear it.
In educational institutions, workplaces, and homes, menstruators require a safe environment to talk about their problems and feelings. Conversations with men around should not be in hushed tones. About 22% of men responded that their households or places of work do not provide a safe space for menstruators to talk about menstruation freely.
41% said that their workplaces or education institution did not have a sanitary pad dispenser. In comparison, 25% responded by saying they had never asked if there was one. These circumstances make menstruation a difficult experience for menstruators, and this experience is for 2-5 days every month!
This does not mean most men do not know about menstruation, but that the education and awareness end at that, knowing it as just a ‘process’. It is not so much the taboo but the lack of knowledge of menstruation in men. From menstrual hygiene management to menstrual waste disposal, men rarely speak about these topics. How can we, as a society, fight for gender-equality if the men still leave the room because we are talking about girl problems?
The segregation of genders when talking about menstruation in schools and homes limits men from knowing about various aspects of menstruation growing up. Theodore, a third-year college student, says that he knew that some men around him would say “Do not talk to her, she is in the ‘bitchy mood‘” when talking about PMS. His parents had talked to him about menstruation, and he felt that using such words was wrong.
“I was really fortunate to have a teacher who did not separate the class into boys and girls for sex education. That really took a lot of stigma out of it,” he adds.
A lot of respondents in the survey said they would help someone who had just got their period by calling someone who would know what to do. While it is true that a menstruator will be able to understand the situation better, non-menstruators must know enough to handle such a situation. What is even more important is dialogue.
More men need to talk about menstruation openly and advocate for better menstrual hygiene schemes and provisions from the government. More importantly, we need men supporting women who advocate for better policies to make safer environments for menstruators to make a more gender-equal society. Because it is not just ‘auraton ki dikkat‘ (women’s trouble) and it doesn’t have to be a ‘dikkat‘ with the right kind of support and intervention.
The author is a part of the current batch of the #PeriodParGyan Writer’s Training Program