For a lot of us, it’s easy to guess when our periods are edging near: some of us have abdominal cramps and sore boobs, while others go through irritability and an incessant craving for chocolate. PMS affects 3 out of 4 menstruators, and 2-10% of menstruators of reproductive age show signs of PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). PMS symptoms vary from person to person, and for me personally, there are days when I cannot bear to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Interestingly, PMS-related Body Dysmorphia is not a medically recognized condition, yet some of us have to live through it every month. For me, every pimple out of place, every strand of hair I lose in the shower, every single body hair (even in a place where it’s supposed to be), disgusts me.
I stand for hours, compulsively picking at my face or tugging at my skin, trying to put my features back to the way they were; and the weight fluctuations do not help in the process. I try to cover it up with makeup or exercise more than usual to lose all the extra weight, but nothing seems to truly work.
I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2018. Even on normal days, I find myself questioning my appearance and abilities. Getting my period worsens my body image issues. I often find myself wondering, is this what I actually look like? Don’t I look weirder today than I did yesterday? Or do I just look disgusting on a regular basis and I refuse to accept that?
On top of that, I realized that seeking validation from friends, acquaintances, and strangers only make matters worse. I can try to post a heavily-filtered selfie on my Instagram story, but no amount of “you slay, queen!” comments could make me feel better about myself. And it’s not as if all the self-doubt and deprecation goes away the moment I get my period. It stays and lingers in some corner of my brain, suppressed until next month.
When I asked my friends about it, they swore that they didn’t know it was a real thing, and most of them admitted to feeling the same away each month before their periods. Some said that the bloating troubles them, and others suffer from periodical acne during their menstrual cycle.
A study proved that many menstruators undergo significant body dissatisfaction around the menstrual phase each cycle, and tend to perceive their body sizes as larger than they actually were. People suffering from mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder experience intensified symptoms of PMS or menstruation. Another study suggests that lower levels of progesterone during the menstrual phase leads to lower levels of serotonin, making us prone to deteriorating mental health, and in turn, body image issues.
As it happens, knowing the gritty details of why things happen did not help me deal with the problem at hand. What actually helped me, however, is the fact that I know this happens and I’m not the only one dealing with it. I can testify to the fact that knowing my periods were causing this gave me greater control over my emotions.
Body dysmorphia can be overlooked easily when it comes to discussing PMS symptoms since we have all normalized feeling pretty crappy about ourselves (especially during this pandemic). What I think we all can agree upon is that no matter how bad and grotesque you feel about yourself (be it during your periods or otherwise), it always helps to talk it out with someone. Even if you can’t, going to a doctor might help smoothen things out. Remember that like all other things, this too shall pass.