Caution: Period sex is not natural contraception as one can still get pregnant. Safe sex is a must!
In an infamous scene from the book Fifty Shades of Grey, Christian Grey removes Anastasia Steele’s tampon, and they have period sex. It’s not a usual scene since period sex is contentious.
A friend of mine, Nayanika, recalls reading it while in high school. She says, “Christian Grey doesn’t care about consent as a dominant. Whereas consent is literally the ground on which BDSM as a concept stands. He disregards consent throughout the book like it’s his favourite sport.” So, this reduced it to just another misogynistic fetish.
The scene didn’t hit the theatres, and when asked, the director told Variety, “It was never even discussed“. How is evading discussion an answer to this, especially in a plot that is driven by sexual encounters? But, like periods, it was treated like an open secret—a clear testament to how period sex remains an uncomfortable discussion. So it’s high time we normalize sexual desires like period sex instead of hanging them on the extremes of impurity to fetish.
Why Do It?
Why not? In a survey I conducted, 8 out of 15 respondents wrote they experience increased desire during periods. Sexual pleasure helps reduce PMS stress, fatigue, cramps, pelvic pain, and headaches by releasing endorphins like oxytocin, dopamine. It often shortens periods as intensified uterine contractions flush out the content faster along with prostaglandins responsible for cramps.
An anecdote of a female stylist on Harper’s Bazaar read, “I feel more aroused during my period sometimes. Currently, I am dating a woman, so I am less self-conscious about having period sex because I know that she is not turned off by it and it can be quite enjoyable.”
How does it feel?
A friend, Kriti (name changed), says, “I feel quite horny during periods, but it isn’t my usual wild routine. My go-to period sex is lazy vanilla sex. It is good only if both involved are cool with it. I had period sex on my second and third day. It felt comforting as I’m usually sad and cranky. I felt a sudden happy rush which stayed on for quite some time and cramps went away.”
This varies from person-to-person. I can vouch for clitoral stimulation; it helps my cramps. Stimulating other sensitive zones using your hands or a toy also works for many. Period sex for some is nothing exceptional. For some, it provides temporary relief from cramps and the sadness PMS brings. For others, it may cause dyspareunia (painful sex), a symptom one shouldn’t ignore.
The Mess
Period sex isn’t as messy as we think. On an average, people lose about 10-80 ml (2-4 teaspoons) blood per cycle. “I had a preconceived notion that it’ll rain blood, but nothing like that happened. Even if the flow is heavy, there’s only a little spotting,” Kriti says.
If blood irks you too much you can pre-determine your flow, opt for lighter days and comfortable positions. You can also use a covering for your bed/couch/counter. Many also opt for shower sex.
The Double Whammy
Both menstruation and sex are seen as taboos. Period blood is seen as dirty, while the word sex is whispered behind tightly shut doors. It’s understandable if blood isn’t up your alley. Find other ways to get closer to your body or partner’s and be pleasantly surprised! But, treating a menstruating partner as impure at a time when everything else is hurting, is so undesirable.
So, Explore
Neera (name changed) recalls, “My then-boyfriend… he started kissing me. I somehow forgot that I was menstruating, probably because I felt super horny. It was only when I heard the pad rustle that I blurted out, “Don’t go down south; it’s a crime scene there.” I giggled, he cracked up, and we laughed. We kept it mostly to the top, which helped because my breasts are very sensitive. He rubbed against me and cuddled me tight. I felt happy and affectionate; cramps were gone. I would’ve gone through with it but for protection. The stigma never crossed my mind.”
So, move over heteronormative idea of sex as the only gateway to pleasure. Dirty talk, clothed sex, oral sex, cuddling, foreplay, clitoris stimulation, mutual masturbation are alternatives galore. Map out your erogenous zones with your partner. Finger yourself. Rub your clit. Try sex toys and different positions that stimulate different orgasms and stimulate your sensitive zones (ears, breasts, nipples, even the knee!). Remember Monica’s seven spots? There are more. So find what sparks joy in you and declutter!
Communicate
If you’re interested in period sex, don’t assume your partner will find it dirty. Approach them and discuss. Because period is a taboo, a good conversation will help you lose your inhibitions and how they respond would be a great judge of your relationship. Sex or no sex, a healthy discussion forges intimacy and trust.
In the end, it all boils down to personal choice. But give yourself the chance to weigh in your likes and dislikes by dissociating them from social conditioning and associating them with what you feel like doing.
The author is a part of the current batch of the #PeriodParGyan Writer’s Training Program