I have come a long way.
Earlier, I was confused about my sexuality, and it took me eight years to find a word for my sexual orientation.
I am a sex-repulsed asexual.
What Is ‘Asexual’?
Asexual people are those who feel little or no sexual attraction towards others. Some of them can also be repulsed by sex.
We asexual people never choose our orientation. Sexual orientation is something that is innate to us. To be an asexual person in a world where romance = sex is an everyday struggle. We all see romantic movies, read romantic novels which teaches us that “happily ever after” includes sexual intimacy. When there is somebody who is totally repulsed by sex (or even if they just aren’t interested in it much) they suffer.
I still get strange responses when we discuss problems of asexual community.
People expect us to ‘date other asexuals’ and treat it as a ‘solution’. But if this ‘logic’ is taken seriously, then any heterosexual person can date another heterosexual person without thinking about compatibility, connection, mutual interest, and other important parameters.
Asexual Representation
Often, asexual representation does not exist, and, if it does, the character will be shown as shy, prudish, or aggressive; they will be somebody who is surrounded by books; the character will end up alone. The message with such stereotypes is clear—if you are an asexual, you will be isolated.
If a person wants to stay single, they should stay single. But it shouldn’t have to do with their sexual orientation. There is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction which needs to be understood.
Writing An Asexual Character
When I started writing my first asexual character, I decided to break stereotypes and make it clear that the character is asexual. I made her bold, upfront, strong, and with her fair share of struggles.
Often, asexual characters are created, but authors never use the term “asexuality” to describe their orientation. They keep on dropping subtle hints, leading to further confusion. I tried to clear that confusion with my character, a fierce and curious person who finds out about her orientation. I see her journey as pretty much the journey of every asexual person.
Every asexual person feels relived when they finally get a word to describe how they feel. It takes years of struggle, search, denial, and, finally, acceptance to realise that a person is asexual.
When I first found about the term asexuality, I searched for asexual characters everywhere, but hardly found any.
I felt like something was missing in the stories that we tell to everyone as authors. The absence needed to be rectified.
I still struggle with my asexuality, but one thing has changed. I started coming out to share my experiences and this led to meeting more people like me who were waiting for someone to tell their stories—stories of denial, stories full of confusion, stories full of curiosity.
My character is full of these stories that I have heard from asexual people around me.