It does feel like life is going nowhere. It is not a new feeling. It is in fact a constant that does not even disturb any more. This is not depressing in any way. I am just trying to put to words an absolute relationship with nothingness that has begun to develop and cement itself in an overwhelming way. Nothingness is a vague word that captures the fleeting nature of everything. Nothing is real enough to remain in the presence of this nothingness. I do not know what to make of it. I do not know what it has to make of me. I do not have a mind capable of perceiving its nature.
I just know a few things about myself from the experiences thus far, and am unable to feel anxious or perturbed by the uncertainty of what may be. Not much is in my hands and whatever is being held loosely. I do not know what I want, wish to do, choose to be. I have no choice. Such is the character of nothingness and I am nothing in the existence of it. I almost wish to have known what I want. I almost wish to have known how I am to be.
At one point it was a big question: how to be? Now, it is the simplest and most obvious. So, things do happen. The most fundamental ones do take their time to bring about the necessary transformation. Where to from here, in the never-lasting now? This has always been the case, and I am pointing at it or it’s pointing at me since forever. In looking for a solution, I have been left looking as the solutions, which weren’t resolving anything, have fallen off.
Everything that does not serve the purpose of being has withered away, leaving me loose and light. I cannot ask for more. I do not ask for any less than the bounty of ignorance that predominates this being. It is not my doing. I have nothing to do with any of this. I am just there to see it all for how I am. Beyond that there’s nothing to associate with or testify to. I am left to myself to figure it out. And I really have no clue what is to figure about what.
There is no confusion. Confusion has been a factor in the past and I can understand how so now. There is nothing to be confused about. I just have to see things clearly, keeping myself out of the way. That is how to see everything for itself, without intending to know something that doesn’t exist, which may just be the folly of imaginations. Without needing to imagine or ponder on that which has passed, there is a way to be. Being that way, I am sure, is absolutely intelligent.