“I think, therefore I am.” —Rene Decartes
Even though I don’t agree with everything that Decartes says, but his take on the idea of connecting thinking with existence is something that I agree with.
Well, let me first clarify that I don’t worship the devil, in fact I don’t worship anything that’s why I am a non-believer.
I turned into one because I couldn’t understand the presence of a being which literally does nothing but is just there. On my journey of becoming a non-believer, I had my own internal struggles and now I have external ones, thanks to the people around me. This journey is not an easy one, it takes you to places inside your mind you don’t want to see and once you go there, there’s no coming back. Some of you must’ve read Bhagat Singh’s take on this and it might have affected you or might not. But in my case, it raised multiple questions.
And once you raise some logical questions on your belief system or “conditioning”, you are bombarded with thoughts which have rationales. In India, where people first ask you your caste, then, if you say say you don’t have one, they ask your religion and if you tell them you don’t follow any, you are shamed with worrying gazes. My family, relatives and friends often look at me and wish that I was “normal”.
Their arguments make my belief in the non-existence of God even stronger and firmer. Why I am blabbering here is because I want people to understand that there are some people who will not think the way you think, who will find your arguments baseless and that should be okay. I often find myself struggling to find space for my thoughts, I feel suffocated.
There have been times when people have literally tried to revive my “belief” in order to help me. Whether we are at a railway station, a bus stand, office, home or on top of a mountain— the presence of people and their belief system will always be there. And when you fall into the category of minority based on your belief, your thoughts will be overshadowed by the belief structure of the majority.
In my experience, being a non-believer has often led to the death of my viewpoints— because the so-called democratic spaces often strangle your views. And when it comes to God and religion, I believe this topic somehow pops up everywhere and I agree that we should respect each other’s thoughts and beliefs— but I also demand this same respect for not believing. I wonder why being a non-believer is an astonishing act?
People look at me with either pity or anger or disappointment. Why do we forget that non-believing has its own logical arguments. I understand that I cannot get involved in an argument all the time— but at least I want people to leave me to my own thoughts. There are times when I fear sharing my opinions openly— because we live in a place full of fanatics and fundamentalists and they might get offended. But I also think that when I can easily accept their views which are not aligned with mine, why can’t they do the same? Is there a sense of insecurity buried deep within them and they are not even aware of it?
I have often been judged for my opinions, because apparently you lack morals if you don’t believe in the existence of God. But I want to clarify that morality has nothing to do with religion, in fact, it is all about respecting human values. People like me who believe in the strength of humanity, well, we have our morals intact.
If we look at history, people who have questioned religion or the existence of God, were either persecuted or declared mad. Sometimes I wonder if they were truly mad or if the people around them drove them to insanity.
Every time I try to create space for my thoughts, I have to struggle. I get great advises which I don’t need or want. I wonder how democratic or liberal the fabric of our society is— when it comes to inclusion of non-believers or minorities of thought. But I do wish to have some place for my thoughts without having second thoughts about sharing my views with the world around me.